I have been encouraging my husband to look for work for the past number of years. He is a self employed qualified gas engineer but only going to work for 2 hours a day. I have been telling him he needs to look for work and increase his hours. He hasn't and I overheard him saying to someone that he decided to retire 6 years ago. We havent had any conversation about this what so ever. We have a mortgage still and he knows that I would never agree to that. I still work full time.
The mortgage payment of £1,200 is due tomorrow so I transferred £800 to our joint account and told him I've transferred £800 so he needs to transfer money too ready for our mortgage payment. His response was, that means I have to transfer £300, I just as well declare myself bankrupt. He believes that I am watching him struggle.
On another topic he was leaving all his washing to me, and complaining if it wasn't done. I felt like a maid to him and so I stopped doing it for him. His response was if I have to do my own washing then I just as well be single.
He will never automatically think the house needs cleaning or put the hoover around etc, he says he can't see it. I have to constantly ask him to help and that's exhausting. He responds with stop nagging or okay boss, but still sits there scrolling on his phone.
Im starting to think these are toxic signs of control and neglect.
I guess I'm just seeking reassurance that this behaviour isn't normal or healthy before I make a life changing call.