Changed man syndrome?

[Clmtrrtox]

Anyone else suffered from 'changed man syndrome'?
My ex was very manipulative, machiavellian and narcissistic but one of those that everyone loves. He was a serial cheat and pathological liar.

I fell pregnant by him and it devastated him, so much so that to get revenge he left, then had a secret relationship with my good friend throughout my entire pregnancy whilst trying to get back with his ex before me.

He lied and played off all 3 of us. When I found out, I exposed him to absolutely everyone. I moved on after a few months and met someone. He love bombed me and when my new relationship ended (for other reasons) we slept together.

He then told me the next day he had met someone and a year later they are still together! He told me not to tell her that we've been intimate since our son was conceived and he told me about her 'abandonment issues' and that she loves him so much because of what a good dad he is.

I eventually got over this, but since I threatened court action over how he speaks to me hes been the best co parent. He says yes to basically everything, he does as he is supposed to, he will never ever argue with me, he doesnt let me down and he's good with our son (always has been).

I have been struggling to meet anyone because most men wont date a mum, and the ones I have found who do, either don't want a relationship or are walking red flags and after being with my ex I am very cautious.

Im starting to think I'm the problem though - how has my nasty ex moved on and is what I assume stable and happy (although I know nothing about them or her apart from her name and that shes met my son), yet I cant seem to find anyone?

I know Im a good woman but I do question myself sometimes. I'm annoyed that he has what I want. The fairytale ending 😂 Do men like this change or is he still likely to be a scumbag? He's 38.

Just to clarify, I dont want him. I am simply feeling like its unfair that someone who caused so much damage to others gets to walk away scott free and experience love.

Don't rush it.

You'll find someone eventually but at the moment, you're probably not in the right headspace so it might be better to concentrate all your efforts on your lovely son.

Im not rushing and im focused on my son. But the very few men I have met are just immature and I just give up. Whereas my ex has pick of the patch and is happy despite having ruined my life leading me to spend the last 3 years in therapy and healing

You have no idea if they are stable and happy, and even if he told you they were, whats stopping him from lying, and even if it appeared that way from the outside, a man this dysfunctional just has no chance of suddenly being able to be a great partner. Its not real. There is no happy ending.

Your happy ending will come from staying single long enough that a man has to be outstandingly spectacular to be let into your life. Not just the first nice guy who likes you and treats you well. Im speaking from experience. When you've been eating shit sandwiches, an okay sandwich tastes AMAZING, but you need to keep a clear head and wait for one thats actually amazing.

Honestly my standards are so high now which is why I am still single. I just dont wanna be 😂 but I wont settle.

Youre right I dont know, but from the little snippets I do see, hes treating her better than he ever did me. It all feels very unjust and frustrating

And this is why I don't think you're in the right headspace.

Just forget about him and who he's dating/how successful is dating is etc.

Concentrate on you otherwise you may end up bitter.

You and your son are the only ones that matter here, not your ex and what he's doing.

My ex was the same. Treated his new (now wife) way better than he ever did me. It really stung at the time. But in time, it faded, partly due to the fact that I realised that he was treating her well to make himself look good, not because she was so amazing she brought it out of him.
It is still unjust and infuriating, but i just tried to know less and distract myself with other things and it fades in time.

It is still unjust and infuriating, but i just tried to know less and distract myself with other things and it fades in time.

You're right it does fade over time.

And when it does, that's when you know you're truly over someone.

When you're not giving their relationships any thought whatsoever.

They don't change though, they just find women with lower standards and lie to them about their past.

I can almost guarantee you that in a few years whatever relationship he is in will be over. There is no shame in deciding to go slower - life isn't a race and getting with anyone rather than being alone is a mugs game.

"He then told me the next day he had met someone and a year later they are still together! He told me not to tell her that we've been intimate since our son was conceived and he told me about her 'abandonment issues' and that she loves him so much because of what a good dad he is."

This bit of your OP says it all. He almost certainly cheated on her with you. What are the odds that he actually met her the day after you slept together? Like most abusers he has formed a relationship with someone who is already vulnerable, and will probably accept his poor treatment.

It is also worth considering how your relationship would have looked from the outside for the most part. Was it obvious that he was a cheating scumbag, of did he put on a good public act then? I would bet my house on him not having changed at all. Keep your standards high, and if that means staying single, it is still a million times better than a relationship with someone like him.