Best way to tell others about our divorce

[OverandNearlyOut]

Been married 9 years together over 20.
We both have kids in their 20’s from previous relationships but bought them up together. Both sets of parents still alive and of course they are happily married in their 80’s.
We are definitely have never been the most romantic couple but I don’t think people know we have considered splitting.

So any advice? Theres no affair, we are still on good terms but just can’t face the future with each other. DH agreed today that we go our separate ways although I have been suggesting it for the last couple of years.

I'd probably chicken out and do it via text. Then people will ask when they see you perhaps.

I’d just be honest
we’ve decided to end things but remain on good terms - end of
you don’t have to explain yourself to other people

Stick a message in the family chat. Job done.

Facebook post 🤭 only joking 🙃

“We’ve decided to end things amicably. It’s the right decision for both of us and we wanted to let you know”.

I would 100% text people rather than tell them in person, because from experience of telling people face to face, its amazing how many people (including people you have NEVER discussed your relationship issues with before) then think its acceptable to grill you on 'why' (what if the reason is 'he exclusively gets off to clown porn?) make suggestions as to what you could do to 'try' (as if you just couldnt be bothered to try, and are an idiot who has never heard of counselling or compromise) or even tell you to your face that they think you are making a mistake. (People took me saying that we were both sad about it as a sign it was salvageable, as if we'd decided to rip our life together apart and not considered if it was worth another go)

'Hi, just wanted to let you know that DH and I are separating. Its a sad time, but we are amicable and both committed to supporting the kids through this. Letting people know over text as know everyone will understand its difficult to talk about in person.'

Thanks for the replies.
How do you tell your kids? A text is a bit weird surely? Although I think they would also hate a cringey talk and I don’t know how to start it.
Not worried about friends so much.

Try not to shock the parents so that they end up having a medical incident! My bil shocked my mil in this way and she fell to the floor!

Surely nobody on earth could recommend that you text your children you are getting a divorce. Or tell your parents this way. Absolutely, unthinkably not.

You should tell your DC over the phone or in person. Anyone else it could be a text, if it feels easier. It doesn’t need to sound like a hard ‘we are separating permanently’ you could phrase it more like ‘we’re taking some space and concentrating on our individual lives for now, rather than continuing as a couple’. Since you’re on good terms. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin -esq.

Yes this is what I want to avoid! Also family opinions.

I was thinking of starting by saying “ you know how MrOverandOut and I always argue, well we have decided to split up now” or similar . Would it be better to rephrase with “thinking” instead? Soften the blow as it takes months to finalise.
Or just be straight because in 6 months it will be done?

Tell immediate family face to face, message the rest. Job done.

Just to clarify as realise I didnt specify, I wasnt suggesting to text the children this way. Parents though - i dont see an issue there - surely its your job as a parent to comfort your child, which is why you'd tell your children you'd get divorced in person. If you feel like you have to tell your parent in person because they will want you to comfort them over your bad news, then thats another problem entirely.

Agree