Ex has a new partner- why do i feel so rubbish about it?

[PaulaJons]

Hes a rubbish dad, not interested in his kids. Has alcohol issues but does work. Ive also realised that he’s emotionally avoidant. I dont want him back and glad were apart. It was my decision to split up. Im happy single. I parent 100%. I found out today hes with someone new. Why do i feel like this?

is it because i resent that he can go out socialising whenever he likes without a care in the world? he can afford holidays abroad 3 times this year as a single man, no consideration to holiday with his kids. ive not been away this year with the kids as i cannot afford it). He has no responsibility when im having to deal with the hard emotional side of parenting (teenage tantrums etc). Hes just happily living his life. Kids arent bothered by his absence. He just turns up when suits him.
i wonder how he explains the situation to his new gf/friends. I wonder if im the crazy ex etc in his story??!

well you didnt want him and you’re surprised someone else does?

Clearly its the honeymoon period. Im just unsettled today thinking about it. Hes an idiot. I hope she doesn’t have kids as he was horrible to ours

but yet you had more than one with him

Oh stop.
OP it's perfectly understandable for you to feel like this. I think I would, too.

at the point of having the kids he was ok. It was after that he became a poor father with issues

I would think maybe at least two reasons?

1. this person could end up having quite an influential role in your kids' life; who they are matters
2. if you don't have a partner, maybe easier to fixate on ex and what happened; just got to keep reminding yourself that you got rid of him for a reason and it was the correct reason, and it will pass and new people will come into your life.

I think it’s what you say, because it’s unfair that men can cause so much pain to their partners and kids and then swan off into the sunset with no sense of responsibility or remorse.

then maybe she will find the same for her, you obviously liked him enough at one point to have multiple kids with him

Thank you @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne

i think im angry he can move on and im stuck dealing with the everyday parenting struggles. I have no support. I love my kids but it gets to you sometimes. I work full time too. My kids are both SEN and i need a break even a day would be nice

Are you surprised a woman is interested in him? But as PP pointed out, he’s obviously a good enough partner in the first few years of a relationship or you wouldn’t have got into a relationship with him, started a family together etc.

Anyway, I wouldn’t give it another moment’s thought. Onwards and upwards.

Edit: Just read your other posts. That’s tough, I’m sorry. Can you enforce a better parenting split - could he have them every other weekend? Would the kids accept that?

I know. Im just feeling low today i suppose

Stop him just turning up. Cut him out. If he actually wants scheduled access to the kids, he can go through court to obtain it.
The added bonus is, you don't have to know what he's up to or care.

Because he has been able to show his best side to a stranger (as she probably was before they got together) but he wasn’t able to do that, or to continue to do that to a woman he loved enough to have children with, nor was he able to do that to his two children.

It’s all artificial though. He’s not ‘the best version’ now, any more than Lacey Turner is Stacey Slater.

I've experienced this. Felt exactly the same. It is unfair. But tables do turn. And one day it will be your turn again. Stay strong.
I'm still in the trenches with late teens. I'd like to say it gets easier .....mine hasnt. But I hold on to hope that one day it will.

Ive tried to get him to have them for an hour or two (not even talking overnights) every other weekend. Ive had multiple conversations with him but he says “why should i? You wanted to split up” yes but you still need to be a dad 😡 when i say, are you having the kids on X day, hes always vague/got stuff on/will message me….never does

@Crushed23 Edit: Just read your other posts. That’s tough, I’m sorry. Can you enforce a better parenting split - could he have them every other weekend? Would the kids accept that?

Oh I couldn’t find any other posts. Are they under a different name?

No only this post but ive mentioned ive go no support and kids are SEN so im no1 parent 24/7

Of course.
And he gets to swan off into the blue yonder.

You must be tired a lot of the time.

It’s exhausting. I just hope he fucks it up. I resent him being happy whilst im struggling.

I think it is perfectly normal to feel resentful when a man can just walk away and get on with his life as if his wife/partner and kids never happened while you are left doing everything for your kids. Him having a new partner is an extension of that. Have a moan then try not to give him any more headspace, he doesn’t deserve it.

Feeling a little better about it now but i think i was a bit vulnerable at the weekend. I doubt hes changed his ways with his selfishness, functioning alcoholic drinking and emotionally avoidant ways so good luck to them both! 🤣 thanks for being there guys and propping me up!