Affair - should I move on

[Onthevergenow]

I am so done in

50s, in a relationship for 2years. He’s millionaire, probably multi, I’m on universal credit top up as I work part time and care for my disabled father. 6 months ago my daughter aged 21 died. My ‘partner’ had an affair 3 months later. Lies, deceit and betrayal but I found out. He’d already ended it by then. But how vile, I don’t think I can get past it

Do you live together?

Of course you should move on, how could you be with someone like this? I would cut him out instantly. Nobody gets to hurt me like that and be in my life!

Sorry about your DD, that must be horrific for you.

It’s very complicated. The right answer is to move on. The other answer is does he give you space, freedom and security to stabilise yourself more than being back on your own would?

I’m sorry you’ve gone through this OP. You didn’t need that after losing your daughter. Why don’t you think you can get past him? He’s a piece of shit. Scrape his residue off your shoe, head high, move on.

So sorry about your daughter

Yep, end it with this sad excuse of a man.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Onthevergenow, I think you need to focus on you, and your grief and looking after your father, not this POS. Is there an opportunity to get any £££ from him though to perhaps make life a bit more easier/comfortable 🤔

Edited because I misunderstood and thought you were considering whether to be with him.

Sorry about your daughter, there is something even more despicable about a person cheating when their partner is either pregnant or has faced a loss. 💐

Perhaps look for some counselling to unpack it all. It may help you to move on from him, and be able to grieve your daughter without associating it with this betrayal.

I don’t understand the question. You say he’s already left you. So are you asking how best to move on?

I meant he had ended the affair by the time I found out. Well, supposedly, he definitely has now

We don’t live together thank goodness, I have my own lovely little home

He is supposedly desperately sorry, wants to be together, will do anything blah blah

Ive had the major loss and trauma of my daughter, my dad won’t last more than 6 months I think, and the relationship was really good before this

I’m having counselling but I’m still a tangled web of emotions

Sorry, yes, I understand now.

It sounds as though it's only the money that's keeping you with him, which is understandable, but from now on that will be the basis of your relationship. He will be free to "pay to stray". Only you can decide whether or not that's worth it.

Unfortunately I am in love with him no matter how hard I try to switch it off, believe me I’ve tried

Normally I’d be stronger but I’m destroyed by the death of my daughter 😩

Most people on here will tell you to be strong and leave him now.

However, I would advise this - don't make any decisions right now, as you are not in a position to take on too much upheaval and emotional instability. Don't hide your upset - just make it clear to your partner that you just need some space to process all of this.

Meanwhile, take time out to grieve your beautiful daughter's death (sending lots of love here) and leave the decision about him for another time when you have the strength. It's likely a year or two from now you will have made new friends and made some other changes to your life where you have the support network to leave.

That's what I am doing now myself. I have been through a rough few years with a cheating partner, and I am biding my time for the right moment to leave.

@hellomellowthat certainly seems like the gentler option on myself in some ways, allow him to support me. But I keep getting these incredible waves of anger at him that are horrendous

Bin him off and get support from grief counselling and loved ones.

I'm so sorry about your daughter. Your bf is a wanker.

Oh yes, I know that rage. Let it out. Make it clear how you feel. Just don't commit yourself to a decision. You can tell him whatever you want. When the time is ready, you'll know. Best of luck x