How do some people move on so quickly

[HoneyPies]

This is not a criticism of anyone but im wondering how do some people move on so quickly and manage to date again so quickly after a relationship breaks up? Split 10 years ago and I still haven’t dated and still dont feel ready. Reading a news article about Jesy Nelson and was surprised to see she has a new man after 7 months, I mean i am not judging at all as I wish I could be more like that! Reading this actually makes it sound like im the weird one, how do people move on and get new partners so quickly? Is it to get over the person? Maybe it makes it quicker? im over the relationship i just still haven’t felt ready to meet someone new but is it those people aren’t over the relationship so find a distraction? Or they are and they just get over things quickly?

Goodness knows.
40 years on ,I still think of my ex husband more than twice a week .
Still miss him ;though I'm clearer eyed and more conscious of why it didn't work .

I think some people cannot bear to be without a partner so are desperate to get into a new relationship.

If they are the person who ended the last relationship, they may have already moved on so could find someone else very quickly.
Some people don't like being alone.
Some people find life easier in a relationship.
Some people were not as invested as they thought and get over it quickly.
Some people meet someone and realise the last person wasn't actually "the one" after all.

I felt that a very long term relationship (marriage in my case) was like bungee jumping - tried it once, don't feel the need to try again.

I love being in a relationship and prefer it to being alone but still haven’t felt ready. I envy people that can just get back out there again so quickly

Trauma freezes people in place. I have had lots of clients who have one shocking, unexpected moment where their whole world view seemed to be disregarded or invalidated. That once incident is what stops them moving on. It doesn't have to be big or Daily Mail TRAUMATIC but it will be unprocessed. Often people haven't processed the traumatic incident because "It wasn't that bad". Except it stops them moving forward.

I found a new partner almost immediately; I had spent 4-5 years feeling so desperately fucking lonely and unloved, and I’d spent probably 18 months knowing we had to split, then we spent 6 months living together while the house sold.

I had grieved it, processed it, and put it to bed by the time I moved out. It was looooong over and I had no feelings left for or about him.

Maybe it’s that I don’t know? Must have been quite a traumatic split for Jesy with her babies being unwell and 4 months after getting engaged maybe it’s just a personality thing

Rebound relationships? Seeking comfort and distraction? Revalidating your idea of yourself as an independent sexual being? You stopped caring about your ex a long time before you split up?

Again, whether or not something is traumatic has nothing to do with the facts of what happens. Two people can experience the same set of events and one will find it traumatic and one will not. Traumatic incidents in these situations often consist of an argument or exchange or words. It is not a value judgement on what happened.

To be fair, not being ready after 10 years sounds like you need therapy to move on. That’s a long time if you do want a significant other in your life. Sometimes, when people move on quickly it’s because their relationship died long before anyone said the words. When I split from my ex after 16 years I was in a very happy relationship (and still is 11 years on) within 6 months, but my ex and I hadn’t slept together in 6 years and spent half our waking hours low level bickering. It was over long before anyone was brave enough to say the words.

thanks i’m just trying to understand others/ myself, i don’t want therapy but can see why it’s suggested, im not hung up on my ex i don’t want him back i just haven’t felt ready to meet anyone yet

I sort of moved on 6 months after I left my first DH. No abuse or anything needing a drama or therapy though.

I met a lovely guy, went out with him, lived with him and then married him, and we were happy until he died.

I don’t give any thought to ex now, although we are civil if we meet at family functions. 🤷‍♀️

I think it could be worth figuring out if you want to stay single or not for the foreseeable.
If you are happy being single then I wouldn't worry too much about where others are at, however if you would like to date again but still don't feel ready then that's maybe something to look into.
Theres a difference between not being ready and not wanting to. And I'm of the opinion that everyone should have therapy or counselling as humans generally tend to not resolve things properly and it massively impacts the decisions they make later in life.

I'm still single 4 years later, don't want to be, but it is what it is. I'd checked out of my marriage long before I had the courage to tell him we were divorcing so I was probably mentally ready earlier than someone who might have only just made the decision to leave.

I think some people just can't bear being single - not a criticism, some people find life just too hard on their own.

I wouldn't overthink it. When you're ready you're ready. Simples!! And TBH the right one has to get your attention.

Some people value being (or feel they need to be) "in a relationship" more than they value the other person.

Some people are gorgeous and really outgoing and so have lots of options to find good quality partners. Some other people have very low standards and just can’t be single so they jump from one thing to the next. Some people are parasitic and so they need another person to feed off. That’s just three possibilities.

Then there’s also the fact that players and abusive sorts target people new out of relationships who might be vulnerable.

10 years is a long time to not feel ready. In what way are you not ready?
6 months might be quite quick but I'd think a year or two I'd probably quite typical.

I'm one who moves on quickly. When a relationship is done, I am completely done. It's past and that's it. I detach easily and I'm not one to sit around and mope.

Just don’t feel comfortable meeting someone else yet and haven’t tried

Wish I could be like that