I feel stuck, how to get out

[PoliteEagle]

I don’t know even where to start. I want to separate from my husband, but he is against. We have one 3yo kid together, he wants a second kid, but I am strictly against. My husband’s personality is difficult. In the beginning of our relationship I was blinded by love but now see everything without pink glasses. The problem is that we are in one of the Middle East countries because of his work. He is quite senior in his job. I don’t work at the moment, want to get back to work asap but he is against. This marriage is no longer working for me and I want to return to England. The problem is he is against both, my return and our divorce. He says he is against because he loves me and divorce will really look bad on him in work environment. It got even worse recently, he is now against me even visiting England. I am in unfortunate position that I don’t have relatives in England any more, my parents died and my far relatives are in the other country in Europe. I am British, he is American, his family is in the states and quite conservative, they will not support me.

So if you are living in a country where you are unable to take your child to another country without their other parents permission then you are stuck, yes.

Did you not consider that before you agreed to live in a different country?

All I can suggest is legal advice and maybe mediation. Can you divorce him and live separately in the country you are in?

Book a flight and go! Don’t be controlled anymore. Seek legal advise in the UK and make quiet plans to get out. All the best OP 💐

He is "against" an awful lot and it feels a bit as though he is simply wanting to save face with company and colleagues and present a happy families facade.

He is now controlling everything - you have no freedom to make decisions.

You need to get on the internet and research your legal position as regards taking your child out of the country without his permission; and you need to look at your financial situation going forward. Get all the facts at your fingertips before you make your move.

I can’t take a kid with me. That’s the problem. If I were able to take my son with me I would borrow money to buy ticket but I cannot without his permission.

Pretend to be convinced by his arguments.
Visit his family in the US.
Whist there, get on a plane to the uk with your son and never visit the Middle East or US again.
But obviously, get legal advice in the uk first.

Yes I know I was stupid. In theory I can divorce there but hard in practice and I will unlikely get custody. Men have much better rights there. So will have to stay in the country anyway as can’t imagine leave my son

Can you leave the country by rail or car and fly from there.

Do you have any money over which you have agency.

In that case I think you need to play the long game.

Stay married so you have access to your child. Try to persuade DH to move to a country where you could divorce more easily and have shared custody of DC.

Would he consider moving back to USA do you think? You still wouldn’t be able to leave US with DC unless he agreed, even if divorced, but your life might be easier?

I hope your post is a salutary tale to other women planning to move abroad with children.

Yes, that’s I am considering as well. Get into US and then get out of US. Will I be able leave the states with a kid without his permission? My son has US passport. I am even open to stay in the US as well but I don’t have money for a legal battle there over a custody. He may win as well as he has money to hire good lawyers and knowing him he will take his chance for a revenge .

She would quite rightly be charged with child abduction. Do you think it would be OK for her DH to do that?

You need competent, specialist legal advice.

As a first step, ask at britishexpars.com

Wow, this is a conundrum and should be read by everyone considering marrying a foreigner and giving up work. These are both bad ideas.

Can you get a job and stick things out for a bit in the hope your marriage improves? At least you’ll be saving some money for if you do decide to split.

Is there really no saving the marriage? As you say, you aren’t in a position of freedom any more. Have you thought deeply about why you married this guy and what isn’t working for you now - is your distress due to him or due to being in a foreign country and not working/having your own life and money? These are separate issues and the second doesn’t need to be fixed by ending the marriage.

The only thing I can suggest is getting legal advice.

https://britishexpats.com/forum/usa-57/

yes:( though I married a man from a similar culture so did not expect that at all. He is an American after all. The idea was that we move to Middle East for few years for his career, after that we will return to Britain. Now he says he does not consider coming to Britain at all. He doesn’t like his career prospects here anymore plus he said he doesn’t like the current attitude towards Americans in British society. He says we will stay here till our son reaches school age and then he will reconsider returning to USA or staying longer.
i wish I could save the marriage. He wasn’t like that before at all. But now he doesn’t like anything I say against his will. We discussed the job for me and he is against. First he said it is better for our son that he is being raised by mum not other women and secondly he will look as an idiot at workplace if his wife works as even his reports spouses do not work. He pushes for another child asap and is unhappy when I say I am not ready at the moment

Got a number of lawyer in the USA. Gonna call on Monday to ask their take. Here I asked as well a local lawyer, he said I will be able to divorce under foreign laws only if both spouses agree to that. If not then local law applies where he can simply refuse the divorce.