Don’t want creepy BIL’s hugs. (Cont)

[Par1sappartment]

For those who read my post about BIL and his pervy hugs here is an update and I would appreciate advice.
I had had enough of BIL’s hugs every time we met up in family situations. He would grab what little fat I had on either side of my waist and jiggle it up and down. It used to make me feel sick at the very thought of it.
The last few times we have met I have managed to step back and say Bye bye. Today, I offered my hand for him to shake but he appeared shocked. He spoke to me in conversation but kept patting my shoulder or arm. I sooo do not like him and wasn’t even happy with that. I don’t want his hands anywhere near me!
To cap it all, he then kept making fun of me during the get together with the family and making snide comments, probably his way of getting back at me.
The horrible thing is everyone laughed each time he tried to humiliate me.
DH doesn’t want to say anything or have a confrontation which I can understand but really, it depresses me that I have to put up with BIL’s behaviour every time I see him. He makes me feel physically sick.
DH says we can’t stop seeing them because it would affect his sister which I understand. I like her. What to do? I feel like I can’t win and have no way out of this.

Tell your DH to tell his DSis to tell her DH to stop touching you.

And tell him that if he doesn’t you will explode next time he tries it. So it would be better all round if he has a word.

Of course you could always stay away. That would be step 2 for me if step 1 is not successful.

If your DH doesn't want to say anything then he will have to accept you are not going to join family gatherings with BiL.

Your husband is allowing his bil to ABUSE and humiliate his wife????? You not only have a bil problem you have a “d” h problem too!!!

'DH, if you don't sort this out, I will, and you won't like it"

All the above suggestions are valid, you could also try a more direct approach with him yourself.

Move back, put your hands up and say 'hands off me!' or similar. Every time.

It might feel a bit aggressive to you, but let's face it, this situation is going to blow up one way or another soon enough so this approach could be the least worst option.

Ewwww, your BIL is creepy as hell and the thought of him getting in your personal space is quite nauseating so you really do have my sympathy.

Next time he goes to grab hold of you shout at him to "STOP"

Unfortunatly, it looks like your husband has not grown a spine yet as he has not bothered to support you through this unpleasant situation and as the creep is part of your family all you can do, is make sure your family members know how you feel about it because their laughter is making his behaviour worse.

He's a pillock.

Yuk! Your “D”H is totally spineless. I would loudly respond every single time. A good tactic I read (on here I think) is to repeat what they said back to them; “did you just ask if I’ve put on weight/ look shit/whatever they asked?” Is he quite well liked among your in-laws? It’s sad that they find it funny.

Keep away you fucking creep should do it..

I like that one too.

And for the digs, if he wants laughs at your expense you can return the favour. 'Awwww poor Bob, he's mad at me because I won't let him grope my waist anymore'.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Tell your dh that you won't be going to any more get togethers until he tells his BIL to get his hands off you. He can explain that any way he wants but you won't be going. And if you meet his family and they ask why they don't see you then you will explain the exact reason.
2. Next time you are there catch the creep alone and say to him in a low voice "if you ever touch me again you won't know what fucking hit you so stay away you perv" then smile and go back to the group.
3. If he touches you say very very loudly "I TOLD you not to touch me for fuck sake - get your creepy hands away from me".

In any case tell your dh if he sits there and lets his family laugh at you again you will leave - and do it. Take the car and leave him there. I suspect you have a dh problem as well as a BIL problem.

You have a dear husband problem.

Sit him down and tell him he needs to stop being such a wet blanket, that if he can’t stand up for you then you won’t be going to these gatherings. And that if you so, you won’t miss and hit the wall with what you say, you’ll happily make a scene.

Say clearly to brother in law “do not talk to me like that” (calmly and monotone) in front of wintnesses if he ever does that again. Don’t be shy to say “don’t touch me Ben” either. Why give a fuck if it makes him uncomfortable? If other people say anything you say “Oh does it make you uncomfortable that I’m calling out creepy behaviour? Maybe you should ask yourself why I have to. I see men here, why are you letting him speak to a woman this way?”. Be a problem. If they stop inviting you places, who cares.

DH says we can’t stop seeing them because it would affect his sister which I understand. I like her. What to do? I feel like I can’t win and have no way out of this
but he is ok with it affecting you?
You do not need to accept this behaviour from your bil, and he keeps on doing it because he is getting away with it. And your dh and his family are letting him get away with it

OP, I would have had to have said something - I would have been infuriated by someone touching me on the shoulder and arm, and would have had to ask him to stop. Could you speak to his sister, and say that you’re absolutely not a tactile person where other people’s husbands are concerned, and you’d prefer it if he didn’t touch you? The creepy hug thing is something else - clearly, if your DH is going to be such a wet lettuce about the whole situation, you’ll have to say something yourself - you need to make it clear that his behaviour is not only unacceptable, but that you won’t stand for it. You also need to make clear to your DH that either BIL lays off, or you will never see his family again.

Your DH is asking you to put up with abuse so he doesn’t have to tackle it. Nice.

This. It would be such a bold move and maybe irreversible but this would be a strike for yourself (and womenkind!) if you had the confidence to do it. It's so unfair that it's on YOUR head to deal with this situation that is of this MAN'S creation. Why should you pay??
However you could also show your husband where some boundaries are in your relationship simultaneously. Of the "I'll take no shit from you either" order - do you have my back or not?