Change appearance

TheRedSnake · 2026-10-30T15:21:04+00:00

Been with my wife for 15years and she’s never made comments about my appearance and likes how I look but I’m not completely satisfied. I dress well, wear nice aftershave and general maintenance is good, 6ft and bit of a dad bod but not a beer belly just generally average. I’ve always had abit of a thing about wanting to look better and fit and healthy. I’ve mentioned a few times that I’d want to be muscular with bigger arms, chest, legs and get abs and my wife has always said she likes me how I am. We went Away recently and noticed my wife would check out blokes around the pool who matched that but she’s always said she likes how I look. If I did change my appearance would I risk my wife not thinking the same and fancying me less or am I just thinking of excuses and putting it off.

60degreecycle · 30/10/2026 15:22

If you want to make a change, make the change.

Sameshitdifferentdaymonthyear · 30/10/2026 15:27

Do whatever you need to, to boost your confidence. If you want to get fit and build muscle, this is also beneficial for your health so what would be the point in not doing that just because you’re concerned about your wife? She will say that you’re fine as you are because you probably are and she loves you no matter what but you’re not doing it for her, you’re doing this for you and that’s perfectly acceptable. She will love you just the same.

As for her looking at muscular men, plenty of women do this but just out of curiosity and not necessarily because they’re thinking phwoar about them all. I’m not hugely into muscular men but if my DH gained muscle and felt good about himself, I’d love him and fancy him just the same. Equally, he fancies blondes and I’m not but he loves me more than anyone in the world and would no matter what I did with my hair.

Also consider that muscle takes a long time to grow and realistically, you’re not going to turn into the hulk over night. There’s a vast difference between a regular muscular man and Thor.

Original poster

TheRedSnake · 30/10/2026 15:34

Sameshitdifferentdaymonthyear · 30/10/2026 15:27

Do whatever you need to, to boost your confidence. If you want to get fit and build muscle, this is also beneficial for your health so what would be the point in not doing that just because you’re concerned about your wife? She will say that you’re fine as you are because you probably are and she loves you no matter what but you’re not doing it for her, you’re doing this for you and that’s perfectly acceptable. She will love you just the same.

As for her looking at muscular men, plenty of women do this but just out of curiosity and not necessarily because they’re thinking phwoar about them all. I’m not hugely into muscular men but if my DH gained muscle and felt good about himself, I’d love him and fancy him just the same. Equally, he fancies blondes and I’m not but he loves me more than anyone in the world and would no matter what I did with my hair.

Also consider that muscle takes a long time to grow and realistically, you’re not going to turn into the hulk over night. There’s a vast difference between a regular muscular man and Thor.

Thanks, really appreciate it and you’re right. Partly thinking about it for health reasons but also being happy with how I look.
Ive never been bothered about my wife looking at other men when on holiday as I know it’s not her usual type as all her exes have always been quite big.
i think she’s always been abit insecure about it as one of her friends ex’s split with her because he started going to the gym and ended up meeting someone. Not that that would happen though but think it’s part of an insecurity that she has.

OP posts:

tanoshi · 30/10/2026 17:00

Do it for yourself OP if you want to. As a six footer and toned you'll get checked out too. You don't have to be Captain America just a good toned body, arms and legs.

ScorpionLioness79 · 30/10/2026 18:08

It's not like she's going to have tunnel vision when out in public. Is she really blatantly obvious of checking men out, or is she just doing the normal observation of her surroundings and you're assuming she's checking them out?

In your shoes, I'd go ahead and workout, but for health reasons, you should be adding cardio and not just lift weights. Weights and equipment can be easily bought for the home if going to the gym will take away too much time from home depending on your schedules. There are plenty of exercises you can stream like kickboxing for the cardio portion.

Think of if your spouse is asking you to not do something and if it's reasonable or unreasonable. Not wanting you to exercise is unreasonable, so if arguments ensue, you'll just have to communicate and deal with that.

Boreded · 30/10/2026 18:11

Your wife loves you for you and not your body…if you want to change it to give yourself more confidence then do it, but do it for you not for her.

This is the exact same advice I would give to a woman btw.

Arlanymor · 30/10/2026 18:13

Boreded · 30/10/2026 18:11

Your wife loves you for you and not your body…if you want to change it to give yourself more confidence then do it, but do it for you not for her.

This is the exact same advice I would give to a woman btw.

Totally agree. You are seeing this through the prism of her eyes - you have agency over your own body, do it for yourself if you want to do it.

Userengage · 30/10/2026 19:46

Get fit and muscular if you want to.

Original poster

TheRedSnake · 30/10/2026 19:50

ScorpionLioness79 · 30/10/2026 18:08

It's not like she's going to have tunnel vision when out in public. Is she really blatantly obvious of checking men out, or is she just doing the normal observation of her surroundings and you're assuming she's checking them out?

In your shoes, I'd go ahead and workout, but for health reasons, you should be adding cardio and not just lift weights. Weights and equipment can be easily bought for the home if going to the gym will take away too much time from home depending on your schedules. There are plenty of exercises you can stream like kickboxing for the cardio portion.

Think of if your spouse is asking you to not do something and if it's reasonable or unreasonable. Not wanting you to exercise is unreasonable, so if arguments ensue, you'll just have to communicate and deal with that.

She can be quite obvious but it doesn’t bother me as I’m secure in our relationship, even watching tv she might comment someone’s good looking or got a good body but if I say would she like it if I looked like that she will say no it’s not her type.
Im fairly active anyway as I coach our sons football team and play golf but would like to be more muscular and when I’ve said I want to get in better shape and look a certain way it has caused arguments in the past and she’s mentioned about the situation with her friend and what if I looked good and met someone else. Not that that would happen.

OP posts:

Ohidontknowblahblah · 30/10/2026 20:07

We can't know how your wife would feel but in my opinion if my husband changed his body for the better I'd feel the same about him/even more attracted to him. And of course if he put on weight I'd still feel the same about him.

If you want to get fitter get fitter but maybe what she's saying is she's not really into a ripped physique (lots of muscles) which is the same as me. A nicely toned body is nice..and a bit of hair on the chest!!

gamerchick · 30/10/2026 20:15

Good grief OP stop the navel gazing. If you want to change your body then get cracking.

My husband liked me the way I was before I started weight training. He's not a fan of muscles on women. Such a shame but here we are.

Original poster

TheRedSnake · 30/10/2026 20:22

Ohidontknowblahblah · 30/10/2026 20:07

We can't know how your wife would feel but in my opinion if my husband changed his body for the better I'd feel the same about him/even more attracted to him. And of course if he put on weight I'd still feel the same about him.

If you want to get fitter get fitter but maybe what she's saying is she's not really into a ripped physique (lots of muscles) which is the same as me. A nicely toned body is nice..and a bit of hair on the chest!!

Yeah I’m confident she won’t be splitting up if I start looking better and more in shape and you’re right, I don’t want to be someone who’s completely ripped but more in shape and you can tell I work out. She likes that I’ve got a hair on my chest and tattooed arms

OP posts:

Original poster

TheRedSnake · 30/10/2026 20:26

gamerchick · 30/10/2026 20:15

Good grief OP stop the navel gazing. If you want to change your body then get cracking.

My husband liked me the way I was before I started weight training. He's not a fan of muscles on women. Such a shame but here we are.

To be fair when my wife used to go gym loads and was really toned I really liked it and she was the first woman I’d been with that was really in shape but she would always say when she was single she would meet quite a few men in the gym so I think a big part of it is insecurities about other people in the gym and me getting attention.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 30/10/2026 20:35

All I'm reading is excuses OP. You want to change, so change. People in the gym are thinking about their own training.

Original poster

TheRedSnake · 30/10/2026 20:43

gamerchick · 30/10/2026 20:35

All I'm reading is excuses OP. You want to change, so change. People in the gym are thinking about their own training.

To be fair, you’re probably right

OP posts:

QuietChristmas2026 · 31/10/2026 01:47

Isn’t a dad bod the most liked body type? I’m sure I read that somewhere. It’s definitely my favourite. Defined muscles? Meh. Rippling muscles? No thanks. A bit of squidgeyness? Very comfortable.

But do whatever you like for health and for strength to ensure you’re healthy for the future.

ScorpionLioness79 · 31/10/2026 14:26

My response to her would be: That hurts my feelings that after all these years of me treating you well, that you believe I could hurt you in the worst way possible by cheating. I have faith in you and I'd hoped you thought only the best in me.