Age gap as adults?

[MolaMolaMoningham]

Is an age gap always a bad thing with adults? If he is 30, and she is 45?
Does it matter more the age gap, or the age of the younger person?
Does it change of it is just dating vs long term?

I am neither party, but emotionally invested.

Also, I am a long time user, changed names for this thread, not trying to be goady.

With that gap I guess the biggest question is children, few 47 year olds want to start a family quite a few 32 year olds do. If that question has been resolved, eg neither wants them, I think it's fine. It might be more noticeable later in life if they stay together eg 60 and 75

Surely it only matters if if it matters to the 2 people involved? Unless of course either of them has children who might find the situation very difficult if the new partner is not much older than they themselves.

The only people who can decide whether an age gap is OK are the two people in the relationship. Not their families, not their friends - just them. It's nobody else's business and it's so completely dependent on the specific people involved. There are some 30 year olds and some 45 year olds who would be awful together. There are some who would be great together and have loads in common.

Yes, children etc are a consideration but that's for the couple to navigate, not the people around them. 'Emotionally invested' or not, people need to keep their noses out of other adults' personal life choices.

I've dated three men with a similar age gap to the one you describe, when was aged between 20 and 30. The age gap was never, ever a problem in any of those relationships. My current DP is eight years older than me.

It’s fine as they’re both full fledged adults with their own fully developed brains and lives.

As the older partner enters old age, the age gap becomes much more visible.

I know a lot of couples at least 10 where the women is significantly (10 to 20 years) older. In all cases it seems to work well. Interestingly I don't know any couples where the man is more than 3 years older than his female partner.

I'm in a long term relationship with a man my own age and to be honest being with a man a lot younger or older wouldn't be my first choice even in my 40's. However it's possible it could happen and be the right thing for both people so then I suppose I'd go with it provided as others say everyone was at least in their 30's.

Might be ok not. I imagine less so when he’s 55 and she’s 70. I think with this kind of age gap, the older partner is at high risk of getting ditched in old age.