Help Needed.

[Wfordwife]

Morning all, so go easy on me as I'm very fragile this morning. Currently going through a separation but it's not very clear cut. My "husband" has ended our not so happy marriage. Happened during the summer. We've had a few rough years and deep down I know it could be for the best. However, Im so sad over it. Just so down. We are still living together and will be for the next few months until we get some stuff sorted and this is not helping either as there is no space. But we were talking recently and he asked me if I knew things were not good why am I finding it so hard to accept it? He also asked me why I thought I loved him when I hadn't shown it for a long time. It got me thinking...what exactly does being in love mean?! We've been together for over 20yrs. Met when we were 18 so my whole adult life is wrapped up in him. You'd think by now Id know what love is but id like to hear other people's responses.

I think it's very unfair of him to put all the fault of the breakdown of your marriage on your shoulders. Unless of course you've been terrible (which I doubt).

Does he have someone else and is trying to play the victim, because that's what it sounds like. You know the poor little guy who's wife never cared or loved him. Wah, wah, wah.

Either that or he's just looking for validation and wants you to tell him what a great guy he is. Vom.

Learn to ignore him. Have separate rooms and do your own thing (I do hope you've stopped cooking and cleaning and doing his laundry etc).

Thanks for the reply. So we have separate rooms and im not doing any of those things for him.

As far as I know there's noone else although he does have a few women on the go on Tinder. He so kindly told me that. I actually feel sorry for them in some ways. Which again is mad!

There was definitely wrongs on both sides. Im grown up enough to admit that. What saddens me is after a long time of shutting each other out and finally admitting what's going on, he's not prepared to work on our relationship at all. In his head he tried for 6 months before that but I don't agree. There was no dates, talks, or efforts made to spend time alone together. Deep down I know I deserve better. I just cant understand why I still want him?! When I know what he's like!!! Im disappointed in myself.

The real work should start after you’ve both discussed it, trust me I heard the words ‘I’ve tried’ and again he said this after he said he was leaving when I was blind sided, prior to that no discussion of anything being ‘wrong’ a rough patch maybe where I had some insecurities he didn’t want to address.

The fact he is telling you about women on tinder and asking why you feel how you do is a him problem. He clearly thinks the grass is greener, apparently men process it much later than women do.

The best thing will be when you get your own space and you’re no longer available to him in anyway and you can cut contact (if you have no kids)

he’s all you’ve ever known and you’re likely grieving the life you thought you’d had.

Work on yourself, you will get through it ☺️

Thanks for replying. Yip he's done and that's that. We definitely had problems, I wont deny that but he cant be bothered even trying to fix them.

Oh he definitely feels the grass is greener. I hope it is. For me not him! I hope his is dried up and burnt and he ends up alone. But thats probably very bitter of me. He is acting like hes 20. Not someone in their early 40s with 2 kids.

Yea I want him out. It's killing me slowly having him here. I need space and time to deal with it. He'll be off shagging as soon as he can. My kids are my priority. Not some stupid man child. I am trying to work on myself. Im in counselling and am running and gymming. Just wish my heart would stop aching.