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Pregnant Wife (F28) assaulted me (M27) during an argument. Friends and family are mixed on what I should do in tbe aftermath. Looking for some guidance?

46 replies

MauveMax · 28/10/2026 01:04

Title has the basic idea.

This happened a couple days ago, and I am still in a state of shock. My wife is about 5 months pregnant, so fairly deep into the throes of pregnancy, amd it has been a rough one to day the least. Morning Sickness sucks for her, she is confined to bed rest, and cravings and hormones are doing their thing. I have beetryoning to be the supportive husband, and I won't say I am perfect, but I always remember that she is growing our child inside of her, so I defer to whatever she wants and says nowadays. Our relationship has been good, really good in fact, which is why I am still in shock right now. We are supportive of each other, we love each other physically and emotionally, life is going well for us (considering the state of the world), and of course we will get our little bundle of joy in a couple of months.

It started out with an argument a couple days ago. It was over something not intense, like maybe 4/10, and normally I would just hold my tongue and defer to her. Its not worth wasting time and energy when at the end of the day the outcome is the same. Like I said, she has it a lot worse then me right now, so its not the worst thing in the world to hold my tomgue. This time it got out of hand, and in retrospect I really should have just tried to calmly defuse it, but it ramped up fast and both of us said some things we should not have said to each other.

My wife was doing the dishes while we were talking, and it got so heated that she whipped around and hit me in the face with a plate. The plate shattered and broke my nose from the impact and I fell over. I was shocked, it didnt even register that this happened, and when I looked up I was genuinely scared. My wife was holding a soapy steak kmife and rag in her hands, and the look on her face was of anger like I had never seen before. Now I know this looks bad, especially the way I am describing it. But let me finish the story. For a second we were both just frozen, then my wife realized what happened and how she looked. She literally flung the knife away and her face melted into shock and horror. At this point she is crying and apologizing just over and over and over again, and shaking me to respond since I am just frozen, and trying to clean up my nose and stop the bleeding. After a few minutes I come too and we go to the hospital. My wife is a blubbering mess this entire time, and so I talk with the doctor and make up a story, and get all patched up, and when we get home I defuse things for the night, especially since this amount of stress cannot be gold for her or the baby.

That night I did not sleep well at all. I am usually pretty good at compartmentalizing things in all aspects of my life, and I think that night my head was just stuck in that moment. Since then I have been better, but obviously my face has a visible injury. I have only told my mother, father, and 3 super super close friends what happened, so that I can guage what I should do and we are a bit divided.

To me, as bad as it looked and as bad as what happened, I put it up to the preganancy amping up both our stress levels, me ramping up the argument, and things just getting to a snapping point. My wife was a literal mess immediately afterwards, and has been nothing less then an angel and saint to me the last couple of days, even though she is the one growing a human inside her. 2 of my friends (male) agreed with me, and pointed out that this level of stress will only increase and plateau for a couple of years, so I should learn to avoid such situations and tools to defuse things. They also offered me a place ro xrash if things ever got out of hand, and I needed a place with some space. My other friend (female) says "It is Domestic Violence and Physical Abuse" and I should not only report the i cident to the police but I should also move out and divorce her. I think the former portion is a bit overblown, since this is the first time any sort of incident even remotely like this has happened, and our relationship to this point has been good and is worth salvaging (plus its not like the police can do anything at this point, even if I wanted to; its a he-said-she-said situation). My mother agrees with my female friend, bur she also has a histroy of anxiety and the like and is wont to blowong things out of proportion too. Its been a major issue in my relationship with her. My dad agrees with my female friend, and says that marriage with children is the roughest portion of the marriage, but if we can overcoem and perservere then our relationship will be like iron, which is close to what my male friends and I intiially thought.

Now normally I don't like to make major decisions without keying in other opinions. My take is that of multiple people have agreeing opinions there is some truth to it, but in this case both sides have thay. I still am in a state of ahock and disbelief myself, I recognize that. I have been a bit jittery and jumpy, haven't slept as well comparatively to before (getting better), and this does not help maming the decision. But like I saod, my wife was a blubbering mess immediately afterwards and was trying to help me, and had been an angel and saint ever since. We haven't even talked about it, my wife has bought ot up once or twice to try amd talk, but I waved it off and moved on. I don't know if this is some demented form of Stockholm Syndrome or something, so I need another outside perspective to talk to, that isn't closely related to me but won't ruin my wife's life immediately. Can you guys give me any advice at all??

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 28/10/2026 01:13

Abuse and violence are never OK. However, in terms of hope for the relationship, the trigger of the violence matters. What is traditionally thought of as domestic violence involves a pattern of power and control. There can be other types of violence that occur in a relationship due to specific circumstances, such as a mental health issue, or yes, hormones, that are not part of a pattern of behaviour and that a person is much less likely to repeat if the source of the violent behaviour is addressed. Your wife needs to speak to her GP or midwife about what happened and find out what help is available to her and you need to decide if you can move forward.

andfinallyhereweare · 28/10/2026 01:14

@MauveMax lets reverse the roles, say you hit your pregnant wife and broke her nose. What would people say? This is abusive on her part and the fact you always defer to her speaks to emotional abuse, I’ve been pregnant a lot and I’ve never asulted anyone. Being pregnant is not this mythical thing where she can get away with anything, she is not the first woman to be pregnant. You don’t have to leave but your wife and you possibly too need therapy at the very very least. I’m sorry this happened- it sounds very scary.

Proffessor · 28/10/2026 01:42

I can only tell you what I would do which is to not call the police or report it but to take photographs, document the trip to the hospital and screenshot any messages between you and your wife/friends/mother about it, email it all to a new email account to keep it safe and leave. I would tell her I forgive her but I can't stay with her, book counselling for myself, advise her to do the same and then keep a friendly distance while supporting her with the things needed for the baby until (s)he is born and then be an excellent father and co parent.

That isn't advice however, it's just how I would proceed.

What do you actually want to do? Not what is best for your wife or what your friends want to do, what do you want to happen from now? Stay together or split up? Once we know what you truly want we can hopefully give some relevent advice and hearing that may help you.

nocoolnamesleft · 28/10/2026 01:52

She broke your nose. That's not just assault, that's actual bodily harm. It isn't okay just because she's a woman. Or because she's pregnant. You would be absolutely justified in calling the police. Leaving sounds sensible. Though many victims don't leave until they have been assaulted many times.

Bikenutz · 28/10/2026 01:54

That sounds traumatising, I’m sorry to hear what happened. I echo the others who have suggested you document everything and get some counselling individually to help you identify the best course of action.

Do you feel safe? If you don’t I would move out temporarily and still support her practically with the pregnancy.

Ponderingwindow · 28/10/2026 02:06

why was a woman who was on bed rest doing dishes?

grinandslothit · 28/10/2026 02:11

Your story doesn't make any sense.
Why is she doing dishes if she's on bed rest. bed rest means stay in bed.

If you're having an argument aren't you facing each other. how did she whip around and hit you in the face with a plate. she would have been facing away from you. So first it was a plate and then suddenly she had a soapy steak knife. well which is it

golosh · 28/10/2026 02:27

Try and find a mental health midwife to talk through some things, and follow through after the baby arrives. She’s high risk for PND.

And the two of you need a mediator/ counselling so a) you can understand her grievance beyond ‘she was in a bad mood because of hormones’ and b) she can learn how to emotionally regulate and communicate calmly.

If it’s like this now, the pressure is going to be intense when the baby arrives.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/10/2026 02:29

Could this be a reverse? 🤔

Proffessor · 28/10/2026 02:44

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/10/2026 02:29

Could this be a reverse? 🤔

It could be real, a reverse or a load of bullshit. Online you never know and the majority of what you read is made up or embellished, you can only hope someone is posting honestly for real help and if not that someone else who needs help or advice reads the thread and takes something from it and never give more of yourself than you're willing to give to a liar, troll or worse while hoping you're helping someone, somewhere in the world.

beAsensible1 · 28/10/2026 02:52

You need to leave and your wife needs to get help. You should be thinking and figuring out what custody arrangements will work.

document everything and have a conversation about how safe you think she is with a child.

Jon1011 · 28/10/2026 03:15

I don't believe this is real, but if it is, allow me to give you some advice.

I cherished my wife while she was pregnant - I adored her when she wasn't, of course, but the extra trips to buy prawns, which she didn't want to eat, just look at, the pint of Guinness with blackcurrant in it, being on constant cocao butter duty, - I miss so badly, all those things now our children are grown up.
If your wife is washing dishes, at five months, you've failed as a man.
Get a dish washer, wash your own dishes.

You aren't a man because you're married.
A man looks after his wife, cares for her.
Your children are coming soon, that's a lifetime of being kind and loving.

Redpaisley · 28/10/2026 03:21

andfinallyhereweare · 28/10/2026 01:14

@MauveMax lets reverse the roles, say you hit your pregnant wife and broke her nose. What would people say? This is abusive on her part and the fact you always defer to her speaks to emotional abuse, I’ve been pregnant a lot and I’ve never asulted anyone. Being pregnant is not this mythical thing where she can get away with anything, she is not the first woman to be pregnant. You don’t have to leave but your wife and you possibly too need therapy at the very very least. I’m sorry this happened- it sounds very scary.

Edited

the fact you always defer to her speaks to emotional abuse

I could be wrong but OP’s approach to any argument is to not discuss, so to me he sounds like one of those people who can’t openly discuss a disagreement or dispute with a partner and prefer to sweep
it under rug. He also said he can’t make a major decision on without input of others, which I find strange.
His wife is bed ridden but was doing dishes and op in his own worlds ‘ he is not perfect’ and they both said nasty things to each other. There’s not much information about what op did.
Yes, it’s abuse to hurt someone so his wife is in wrong but I find some dysfunction in OP’s approach too. Op had to discuss with 5 people to ask their opinion, it wasn’t for emotional support or for the shock but for seeking advice after he refused to discuss with his wife telling her they are okay. I wonder if op has a tendency to avoid issues with wife and then seek advice from family and friend. This does not sound like a typical abusive relationship as he says relationship was very good up to now and they are both supportive. And the poster who said she was pregnant a lot of times, pregnancy can cause sometimes both physical and mental health complications and just because she didn’t have does not mean no one does.

Starlight7080 · 28/10/2026 03:23

Jon1011 · 28/10/2026 03:15

I don't believe this is real, but if it is, allow me to give you some advice.

I cherished my wife while she was pregnant - I adored her when she wasn't, of course, but the extra trips to buy prawns, which she didn't want to eat, just look at, the pint of Guinness with blackcurrant in it, being on constant cocao butter duty, - I miss so badly, all those things now our children are grown up.
If your wife is washing dishes, at five months, you've failed as a man.
Get a dish washer, wash your own dishes.

You aren't a man because you're married.
A man looks after his wife, cares for her.
Your children are coming soon, that's a lifetime of being kind and loving.

Dont be daft . Bloody hell unless for medical reasons which mean you physical cant clean. Then at 5 months pregnant a woman can definitely do the dishes. In fact its bad for pregnant women to just sit and rest all day.
What a ludicrous statement.
But i do agree that I doubt this post is real
If it is then op you need to tell your midwife/health care person as this is very worrying longterm. I would be concerned about your child's safety when its born. And yes its abuse you do need to tell someone. And get your wife help. Its not normal behaviour.

Proffessor · 28/10/2026 03:26

Starlight7080 · 28/10/2026 03:23

Dont be daft . Bloody hell unless for medical reasons which mean you physical cant clean. Then at 5 months pregnant a woman can definitely do the dishes. In fact its bad for pregnant women to just sit and rest all day.
What a ludicrous statement.
But i do agree that I doubt this post is real
If it is then op you need to tell your midwife/health care person as this is very worrying longterm. I would be concerned about your child's safety when its born. And yes its abuse you do need to tell someone. And get your wife help. Its not normal behaviour.

OP said her pregnancy has been awful and she's been confined to bed rest.

FlayOtters · 28/10/2026 03:28

Assuming this is real - a point of clarification.

You say she 'she whipped around and hit me in the face with a plate'. Do you mean she turned round gesticulating angrily with a plate in her hands, you were right behind her and she caught you with it, or do you mean that she turned around, sought you out, raised the plate and hit it against your face as a weapon?

The answer would determine my course of action.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2026 03:30

Proffessor · 28/10/2026 03:26

OP said her pregnancy has been awful and she's been confined to bed rest.

Yes. So why was she washing up?
Hmm

Cora0 · 28/10/2026 03:30

Strange how these highly emotive topics featuring pregnant women or similar are always posted late at night when the mods aren’t on.

Perhaps @NiteWotchaNightwatch or @EineKleineNightwatcher could have a look, since so many people are pointing out how little sense it makes.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/10/2026 03:31

Starlight7080 · 28/10/2026 03:23

Dont be daft . Bloody hell unless for medical reasons which mean you physical cant clean. Then at 5 months pregnant a woman can definitely do the dishes. In fact its bad for pregnant women to just sit and rest all day.
What a ludicrous statement.
But i do agree that I doubt this post is real
If it is then op you need to tell your midwife/health care person as this is very worrying longterm. I would be concerned about your child's safety when its born. And yes its abuse you do need to tell someone. And get your wife help. Its not normal behaviour.

OP says she's supposed to be on bed rest. Ordinarily, yes, we won't break, but she likely should not have been doing chores.

Redpaisley · 28/10/2026 03:33

andfinallyhereweare · 28/10/2026 01:14

@MauveMax lets reverse the roles, say you hit your pregnant wife and broke her nose. What would people say? This is abusive on her part and the fact you always defer to her speaks to emotional abuse, I’ve been pregnant a lot and I’ve never asulted anyone. Being pregnant is not this mythical thing where she can get away with anything, she is not the first woman to be pregnant. You don’t have to leave but your wife and you possibly too need therapy at the very very least. I’m sorry this happened- it sounds very scary.

Edited

She has a complicated pregnancy which requires bed rest and she was doing dishes not op. I suspect op is not telling us what he said. He also went to 5 different people for advice. And prefers to not talk because outcome will be the same.

normally I would just hold my tongue and defer to her. Its not worth wasting time and energy when at the end of the day the outcome is the same. Like I said, she has it a lot worse then me right now, so its not the worst thing in the world to hold my tomgue. This time it got out of hand, and in retrospect I really should have just tried to calmly defuse it,

This is so vague like he trying to take some responsibility but not telling us what he did wrong. why he says it’s not worst thing in the world to hold tongue but things go out of hand and in retrospect he would have handled it differently. Maybe he is looking for validation, she he is being so vague and showing himself to have such understanding towards her and hoping people will say he is a victim.

Because If he such a believer in defusing and deferring all the time like he says and also understands she is not well, why couldn’t he hold his tongue this time when she was doing dishes when she was advised bed rest.

NiteWotchaNightwatch · 28/10/2026 03:36

Thanks @Cora0
will hide this for now and HQ can have a look in the morning

Redpaisley · 28/10/2026 03:36

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2026 03:30

Yes. So why was she washing up?
Hmm

Because op wouldn’t.

Laurmolonlabe · 28/10/2026 08:33

I think you need professional help for your wife, this sounds like it could be hormone induced psychosis.

HamHamHam · 28/10/2026 08:35

Unfortunately you've tied to a violent emotionally and physically abusive cunt.

You need to report it to the police and start the process of leaving her

Chilly80 · 28/10/2026 10:04

She needs to tell her midwife what happened