How do I tell her no

[Scenuc]

I have a friend who is unreliable. She cancels 50% of the time and is a sponger. I haven’t seen her for nearly a year and keep my distance.

She lives in her deceased father’s house. I know for a fact probate was granted in August 2026 as it is listed on the probate registry. My friend’s sister is letting her continue to live at the property. The house is not on the market.

My friend has messaged out of the blue asking me to move in to help pay the bills as she is struggling. I don’t want to move in as at present I share my time between my partner and parents. I just get annoyed she only contacts when she wants something. I would not want to live with her as she is overbearing and was horrendous on past holidays. She is the type who would charge a fortune to live with her while she gets out of paying the bills.

Just say no?

“No, thanks. I have my living arrangements sorted out already.”

You just say thanks for the offer but you're not in need of accommodation at the moment. If you hear of anybody you'll let her know.

No that won't work for me
No thanks
No is a sentence on its own

This isn’t a hard one to say no to. Just as above, your living arrangements are sorted, and she can put an add our for a lodger

No thank you, my current living arrangements suit me well. Probably worth you putting an advertisement on spare room.

CF how rude of her to ask you to move in, not because she wants you there as a mate, but because she wants help with the bills! says a lot about how she sees you, CF.

I’d say thanks for the offer, but I’m really happy with my living arrangements at the moment ... don't elaborate but shut it down so she doesn't try and persuade you

She's isn't really a friend if you haven't seen her in over a year. You can just say no, you're an adult, you are allowed to 🙄

What is the issue? Just say no, she is losing potential rent, in the meantime, by not advertising for a lodger, so the sooner you tell her, the better, I would have thought.

Perhaps take this as a watershed moment and turn the lessened contact into zero contact.

I don’t get why this is difficult. It’s not like she’s asking you for a doable but inconvenient favour (e.g. asking you to help her pack up the house) and you don’t like to say no. She’s asking you to MOVE HOUSE! No normal person would think that that’s a reasonable request.

Just say “I’m not looking to move” and leave it at that. What can she say in response? She can’t force you.

“No thanks”

she sounds awful and that would be the easiest “no thanks” I ever said.

"Don't be daft!"

"Why would I do that?"

"No thanks"

“No thanks, that wouldn’t work for me but I’m sure if you put an advert out for a lodger you’ll get some interest.”

"ha ha ha good one"
or
"I live rent free at mum and dad's, how would that work?"
or
"sorry, can't afford it"
or
"sorry no, I'm saving to buy"
or
"how come? surely you inherited the house/part of the house off your dad"
or
"what's in it for me?"

that should be enough to shut her down.

This is the way.

Are you serious? Why on earth do you need help with this?
Just reply ‘No’
Or if you really want to use more words ‘No, sorry’.

Thank you all for your advice. I have told her I am not looking to move and signposted her to Spare Room website.

I suppose I vented here as I am annoyed as she only contacts when she wants something.

Well you’re going to have to just say no, aren’t you? The only alternative is to move in with her in order to avoid confrontation, which would be an insane thing to do. Just say you’re not looking to move at present and are happy where you are.

"I'm not looking to move at the moment. Perhaps you would be better off selling your dad's house and buying something more suitable with your share of his estate."

Well she's not really a friend, is she? You could just say no and block her.

Why are you calling her a friend? You clearly think she's a sponging pisstaker, which is accurate. So why are you even in contact with her?

I had a friend like that. The last time I spoke to her she invited me to a barbecue at her new house, and then asked me to arrive a couple of hours early to 'help' tidy the garden and cut her grass for her (with my lawnmower), and then perhaps I could 'help' to cook all the food on the barbecue.

Needless to say, I politely declined her kind offer, and I haven't heard from her since.

You're not her friend Op, you don't really like her and don't have anything nice to say about her but she's not your friend either, she's one of those people who sees everyone in terms of what they can do for her. I'd tell her No, then I'd cut her out of your life

Do you genuinely deemed pressure you have to say yes to moving in with her? If so that’s mental

If it’s because you’re pissed off with her she asks you random stuff and only message when she needs something- then yeah that’s annoying

What's your dilemma? There's absolutely nothing complicated about this. You simply reply and say 'No, sharing a house wouldn't work for me, I'm happy with my current living arrangements'. That's literally all you need to say. Really not difficult and really not a big deal.

However, I'm really puzzled that you're calling this person a friend. You don't like her. She's overbearing, horrendous, a sponger and she cancels all the time. You keep your distance from her. In whose world is that a friendship? You do realise that you are in no way obliged to keep being 'friends' with people you don't like, surely? Friends are people you think are nice and fun and who you enjoy spending time with. This person isn't any of those things. Why are you being so passive about this?