Unknown affair.

[ThisNeatDreamer]

Would you want to know if your partner cheated on you ten years ago?

Context. My partner cheated. I have proof. My ex threatened that I wouldn’t see my children if I revealed it. Now my children are older I don’t have to worry about that. I feel that guy’s wife should know what he has done!

Personally, no I would not want to know.

Yes

Yes, but personal agency is very important to me.

Im sorry I’ve read this multiple times and don’t understand. Are you a man or woman? Why would your ex care about revealing that you partner cheated? And which guy’s wife???

Yes i would want to know end of.

However i dont really know what you are trying to say.
Did you cheat he cheat partner cheat, are you a woman or man are you the ex.
So many things i cant make out.

I’m really confused. Were you the OW?

I’m a man, and my now ex-partner cheated. At the time, I wanted to tell the other woman, but my then partner threatened me and used the children as a weapon to stop me from saying anything. In the end, I decided not to say anything because I didn’t want to risk the consequences for the children. For various reasons, it has all been brought back up recently, and I’ve found myself asking the same question, if I were in her position, would I want to know? Would she want to know the truth?

I understand now.

It's a tricky one.

It's so long ago...I feel that I'd want to know, but after all this time, I wouldn't bother telling the betrayed person.

I'm not sure what's brought it up for you....it's possible that could be relevant.

It’s pointless now, you just hurt an innocent party.

When did the affair end? It could have carried on after you guys split?

The other couple remained married, the guy apparently oblivious, while you went through the faff and pain of divorce. So, there’s something in it for you I get it.

100% I would want to know. But you don’t know what that couple does and doesn’t know/ has put to bed.

If there is even a smidgen of your telling the Other Man's wife about her husband's betrayal that is about you getting back at either your ex or the man she betrayed you with, then I urge you to think twice. The Other Man's wife is truly innocent, and you can't know what she already knows. Unless it has recently come to light that some sort of slow-burning STD has been transmitted between the four of you which now is becoming apparent, or that the Other Man secretly fathered a child with your ex, I really wouldn't tell. I was once told about a partner having cheated on me by someone sort of pretending they were telling me for my own benefit, but it was really about them and fulfilling a need that person had. It was a really gross experience. You have to really examine your motives in this case and be very honest with yourself. When I found out I'd been cheated on, inflicting the same pain on the OW's boyfriend was the last thing I wanted to do.

Didn’t you seek legal advice? Children can’t be used as weapons, this is horrid & you need proper legal support - not chatter from a forum.