Big life changes…

[Loolabell42]

Opinions needed…

Im in the process of getting unamicably divorced. It’s an abusive relationship and I don’t want my 2 year old daughter to grow up thinking it’s ok for a man to treat her the way I am being treated - I’m 100% confident in my decision. I am the higher earner and despite fully supporting my daughter and myself financially am about to get completely fleeced in the divorce. I will be considerably worse off financially as I will need to give him alot. I have made peace with that as I will be richer in other ways…

I live in a town where I have lots of friends but no family nearby. Closest sibling is an hour half’s drive away. My husband is not supportive when it comes to helping with our daughter. I am primary carer e.g. do all pick ups, drop offs etc.

My soon to be xhusband plans to move to town about 40 mins drive away once we are divorced. At moment he is refusing to leave the house and so we are living together in an awful situation. A job opportunity has come up near my closest family. I have two questions-

1 - is moving circa 2 hours drive from where my daughters father will be living an awful thing to do? He is committing to looking
after her 1 day a week and that should still
be possible if I pick up and drop off. It’s a lot of car time for 2 year old though…

2 - there is so much changing in my life, is relocating to a new area and changing job just going to makes things too overwhelming…? For context I love my current job and it definitely feels like a safe haven when home is imploding.. Daughter is very happy in nursery and the easiest housing option is for me to buy xhusband out.

Has anyone been through similar?

You are being unreasonable = don’t move further away and disrupt life even further

Tough one OP. I think it depends on a few things;

1. Would he prevent a move through court just to be difficult?

2. What do you envisage for your future when you imagine it?

3. Are you planning on spending more time with your family?

4. Is the job opportunity better than what you're currently doing? Is it flexible enough around your dd?

I'm going through a similar situation re ex however I'm not a high earner and we don't own a home so I don't have your options. If I did in my situation I'd want to start afresh tbh and have somewhere that felt like mine and not tarnished with bad memories.

Yes I would move. You will need the support.

Why would you have to drop her off and pick her up on the day he has her? I’d hate a 4 hr round trip with a 2 year old every week. Doesn’t the abusive idiot drive?

He could stop her moving that far through court if he wanted. Maybe the deal would be she does the drives as she is the one who moved

You say two hours from where her father will be living but how far away is it from where you are currently living? Is some of that travel time due to his move (i.e. maybe it's only 90 minutes from where you currently live)?

Yes it’s an hour 15 from where we currently are but he has moved in the other direction

He can drive but doesnt as says he finds it boring and a lot of responsibility… I’d do the drive to keep the peace and make sure my DD is ok and sees her daddy. He is horrible to me but loves her very much.

Well he hasn’t actually relocated yet so can you pip him to the post?

Would your family actually be practically and emotionally supportive once the novelty wore off?

Stop doing the driving he’s using it to bully and control you. If he can’t be bothers to drive that’s in him.

Gosh that amount of driving would be an insane thing to take on. Sounds like it could potentially outweigh family help if compared hours lost vs hours gained? There’s a lot to be said about continuity and just changing one or two big things at a time.

I wish you the best in your choices.