my story - I was a survivor of a very abusive previous relationship and had a child from that relationship
I had escaped with my child and found my feet at last, I had my own apartment and a fresh start at life but I felt I needed a partner to be happy. So I went online and I met a man - let’s call him James - who took me out for a fancy French dinner. He was handsome and smart. I tried to date him but he was too selfish. I felt like his free pet-sitter as he would leave me home with my child and his dogs while he went skiing for days. He talked a lot about himself. I ghosted him after a few months. A year later he left me a voicemail saying he loved me and I was “the one who got away” and he said he would change and be a better partner, so I gave him a chance. We spent a weekend together and he got me pregnant. I wasn’t financially stable enough or ready for another child and I said I was going to need to abort. To add to my stress, things had started blowing up with my ex abuser trying to force his way back into my life and take custody of my first child - James offered me a way out - James said I could move in with him and he’d support me financially and hire attorneys to help me with my custody case. I took a leap of faith. At first things went well. About six months in, James proposed to me at the beach! It was romantic, I was over the moon, thinking maybe this could actually work! But soon I started to see that James was controlling, overbearing, hyper vigilant, restless and he had a very odd relationship with food and exercise and he gained a lot of weight. I found him unattractive. Things had become strained. I felt like I walked on eggshells in his home. And he was home all the time, monitoring me on his many indoor and outdoor surveillance cameras and dropping passive aggressive comments and criticisms and wanting sex. I’d given up everything I previously had and I was paralyzed by morning sickness and my financial situation. I moved into James’ guest room with my child. I tried my best to get along with him but he was so moody. All the while James continued to support me, pay my attorneys and build a close bond with my first child. At last the baby was coming but it was a terrible labor that needed an emergency c section and our baby was placed in the NICU on a cooling mat for a week to slow down her brain development so that she wouldn’t have brain damage. During that week i was a mess - the c section was brutal and our baby was in such a vulnerable state. I couldn’t hold her! I cried so much that week. I was distraught! Then James told me his parents were coming and I begged him to give us time to heal and come home first. He got mad and threatened to take custody! I almost had a nervous breakdown and the hospital sent a psychiatrist to evaluate me! I calmed down and got over it. Our baby was fine and we took her home. Things seemed to be better at home as our baby began to thrive. James printed up a flyer showing photos and a write-up of us as a happy family unit with the two kids and his dogs and he presented this to his parents who gave him access to his trust fund to buy us a home. Soon after this, James stopped coming home. He had started to sleep at his office. He started moving his things out to the new home. One day he asked me to meet him at his therapist’s office where he announced our relationship was over and he would be moving into the new home without me. He cut off my financial support, stopped paying for the attorneys who were supporting me with my first child’s custody case and he filed for custody of our child who was still a nursing baby. Then he moved out with the rest of his things and left us in his rental home that we could not afford, totally destitute and facing homelessness, plus I lost custody of my first child because he abandoned the legal support days before custody trial.
long story short, I am ok, I managed to find stable housing and work, i maintained 50/50 custody of both my children and I have been coparenting fairly well with James for the past 7 years - until this year James suddenly started alienating me and filed for custody again. I think he’s wanting to reduce his child support payments. I am facing custody court for my second child now
I own my part in this story - I should never have given up my home and job to move in with a man I hardly knew. A woman should always sustain her own income and home.
but i wanted to put my story out there to see if anyone else has a similar story and can relate?
I guess I am writing this to warn women. Online dating is extremely dangerous. I haven’t gone online since and I never will again.
There are some crazy stories out there of online dating. What is your story?