Angry about ex’s voice note.

[Jayneport81]

Hi all. I really would like someone's opinion on this please? Started seeing a guy in feb this year. Not anything serious just us hanging out/going out and talking FaceTiming. From the off I was very clear I wasn’t looking for serious as it’s taken me a few years to get over my son’s dad and I’m in a really good place. We got on but there were things that he said that made me think hang on I don’t think this is right. So about 3 weeks a go I called him and explained that I don’t think we should carry on seeing eachother and I was so nice as I felt bad also as I didn’t want to hurt him but he didn’t take it well and blocked me and I thought that’s fair enough. I have a son who has autism and he has a 4 year old. We both never met each others kids as it wasn’t serious and I wouldn’t just have anyone around my son. Last night he unblocked me and voicenote me saying in a really angry voice How he’s so glad I ended things as he would never want to be around my spastic autistic son and take him on. Sorry about that word his not mine. How he has no respect for me and he would have never wanted me around his child either and just ranting on being so rude about my son. I listened and for some reason cried and I blocked him before he could block me. I’m so angry but should I have said something back? I kinda feel like I should have to defend my son? But i spent all night and today replaying it over in my head as I think it’s a really shitty thing to do. Sorry this is so long. And if you’ve taken the time to read it then thank you.

Please don’t respond, there is no point entering a tit for tat exchange with this freak, this is nothing about you or your child and everything about who he is as person, delete it,

What a twat. Bullet dodged. You did well by dumping him and he didn't like it!
He's just trying to hurt you. Try not to let him get to you as that's what he wants.

Sorry, OP, what a nasty man. When you get over the upset, hopefully you'll mainly feel relief about dodging a bullet. He certainly showed you his true colours.

Definitely don't engage with him. There's nothing to be gained. You can hold your head up high about how you've acted.

Wow, what a bullet you have dodged there.

You could text him something like "Thanks for your drunk voice note. Were you crying? It sounded like you were crying. All the best anyway." then block him. He'll be furious you think he was drunk and crying and don't care and he will be desperate to correct you! (Only if he doesn't know where you live, work, son goes to school etc).

Alternatively, be glad you dodged this bullet and don't give him another thought. He sounds like an utter arsehole.

OP you’ve already defended your son by blocking that nasty little prick and ensuring he never gets the honour of being a part of his life!

I am very very impressed at your excellent red flag spotting and action. What a woman. Saw something, acted, protected yourself and your son.

You fucking rock.

Don't let some arsehole steal the glow you should feel.

No, don’t respond. He did this to get a reaction, he gets satisfaction from it. You did the exactly right thing by blocking him.

The lack of response will be much more cutting to a nobhead of his caliber.

Well done following your intuition and ending it when you did.

How dare you finish things. Luckily you did, imagine being with such a spiteful human being and not knowing.

@Jayneport81 , you did the very best thing by blocking his access to you.
Your son doesn't need defending and anything you said, would've just fed the awful beast.
Little man is just angry you had the temerity to dump him, and because his little feelings are hurt, he's lashed out in the (worst) only way his peace sized brain knew how to.
Blocking him will drive him far crazier than anything you could say to him. I Imagine trying to get into an argument would just result in the emotionally immature being saying nastier things to rile you up.

wow he has a fragile ego, he was rejected and therefore trying to hurt you

Bet he'd had a drink and decided to unleash his anger over being dumped - what a prince. Sorry it upset you, it's a normal reaction to receiving absolute vitriol directed at you for absolutely no reason. It was a totally shitty thing to do and blocking him was the correct response - definitely don't contact him back, don't give him the satisfaction, some people (bloody weirdos but they do exist) would prefer to have negative/dramatic communication with you as opposed to none at all. Silence is powerful and it also protects you. Bet your son is lovely.

Well done on not reacting. Never give someone like this one second of your energy.
You love your son every day. You protect him and care for him. That’s all that’s needed.
As for the vile words this man used, that’s on him. The sad thing is that he probably used them around his own child. The ‘s’ word was bad enough when I was a kid and I’m nearly 60. And it was actually used as a descriptive word then, but it started to be used as an insult and now it’s thankfully not acceptable.
This man decided to hurt you by trying to hurt your child. The lowest of the low.
Thank goodness it never went any further because imagine trying to live with a man like that?
He is not a man, he’s a coward.
Keep your head up, you did the right thing blocking him and pray for whoever has to put up with him in the future.

Just ignore. He’s hurt or angry and lashing out. Like a child.
The most you could do is send a polite/gently note saying you’re sorry he feels that way, you wish him well. Not sure I’d bother since he has been offensive though.

Thank you all for your lovely kind words and advice. I know I did the right thing but just how dare he about my son. He’s 11. Also thank god I never had this man around my son. There’s other things as he sent me a pic of this new girl he’s seeing in her underwater and I totally ignored that too. As he’s not my problem. I can honestly say I never led this man on I was very honest from the start but I just don’t understand people that bring innocent kids into it. I think it’s disgusting. Thank you all again.

Please block him and don’t under estimate the power of silence, it puts all the focus back on him. He’s trying to get a reaction, and he’s an abusive freak.

and it’s not just about your son, he’s abused that woman’s trust by sending you a pic of her in her underwear, used her to try to make you jealous

he will be watching his phone and jumping at every notification waiting for you to answer,

I had a fall out wit someone, so not a romantic situation, in a group chat they wrote something very spiteful and unnecessary, just a real dickhead thing to write, and I simply ignored it like it didn’t happen, as such, the focus is all on him being an arse hole, not me,

keeo him blocked and delete everything he sent,

@Charlenedickens oh he’s absolutely staying blocked. It’s was more me being angry as he brought my son into it who he’s never met. He just knows he has autism and attends a specialist school. I’ve never said I wanted him to take on my son. My son has a fantastic relationship with his own dad and we both co parent so well and my sons dads partner is fantastic with our son. I just can’t believe a man in his early 40’s think it’s acceptable to be so rude about an innocent boy.

We got on but there were things that he said that made me think hang on I don’t think this is right

Jeez well done for listening to your gut, you were 💯 correct that he wasn't right!

When i want to communicate "I think you're a massive prick but I don't want to rise to this", I just put a 👍 as a message reply.

Personally I would ignore as he was obviously just gunning for a reaction and went for the lowest blow he could. He's pathetic. If you really feel the need to respond the a thumbs up is the next best response to take the wind out of his sails.

I'd have put a laughing face emoji on it before blocking. What a hilariously pathetic man he is. Shamefully so. He sent that message, he said that, not you. Hold your head up high and be glad you dodged a bullet.

Don't waste a second more energy on this person. If he sends you anything else, delete it without reading or leave it unread but out of sight (he probably has read receipt turned on).

His issues are not your problem. Your time and energy are not public resources. He can ask his actual friends and family for help, or pay for a therapist. Nothing you do or say will make a difference to his behaviour.

Blocking was quite the right move.

He showed you who he was.

He's trying to get a rise out of you and he's attacking you where you are most vulnerable - your child and your parenting. Don't given him the satisfaction. Just be impressed with yourself that you saw him for what he is before he revealed this side of him!

He’s angry because he knows you know you’re too good for him. He sat on it but decided he needed to be a little bit nasty to try and soothe his battered ego. Op you have done nothing to deserve this.

Silence is so much more powerful than any words will ever be

You were certainly right to dump him