Partner waking me up with close contact during the night

[FolyHuck]

Sometimes just 'spooning'. Other times clearly aroused...or touching areas I do NOT wish to be touched whilst asap/half asap. WWYD.

Dump

non consensual. Get rid

Personally I’d speak to them about it. A man will generally have several erections overnight that are not necessarily a desire for sex. So he could be cuddling up to you in a sweet way.
Or he could be trying to see if you’d be up for sex during the night? Little bit off but I do seem to recall back in the early days of our relationship many moons ago DH and I would sometimes waken up and have sex during the night, we were keen… and I Am sure that it would have been instigated by one of us touching the other in a sexual manner in the first instance. Obv if it wasn’t reciprocated then nothing would happen… but neither was it assault or coercion.
Speak to him and say you don’t really want touched sexually as a way to waken you up, you are not really up for it during the night etc and see what he says. How is your sex life in general?

Absolutely agree with you, @BigWig78 In what feels like a previous life, when I was young & energetic, bf and I would wake up for sex and then go back to sleep after.
However if you feel in any way unsafe, or that it is inappropriate or just gives you the ick, end the relationship.

The only valid reason for waking me up is the house burning down

I think it completely depends on the circumstances and how he’s touching you. If he’s cuddling up to you and happens to have an erection, I’d say that’s pretty normal. Men typically get a few erections during the night, it just happens. And cuddling up in the hope of initiating sex seems pretty normal to me.

What isn’t normal is groping you while you’re asleep, trying to penetrate you or put his hand between your legs etc before you’re awake or any kind of sex act without your consent. That’s assault.

Also not normal is him continuing to do things when you’ve told him not to. If you’ve told him that you don’t like to be woken by him spooning you / hoping for sex, and he keeps doing it every night, that’s a red flag. And if he’s doing more than that without your consent, that’s not OK.

just speak to him about it?? I’d like this so he isn’t a mind reader so just tell him you don’t like it

Agreed! And even then, only if the waker-upper has assessed the situ prior & is confident I can escape.

Talk to him op - I had this chat with my DH early doors that under no circumstances was it ever ok to wake me for sex. If you’ve had that chat & he’s ignoring you then LTB!

You clearly dont like him, just end the relationship.

If you’ve said you don’t like it, don’t want it and it’s affecting your sleep/making you tired in the day and he’s still doing it, I’d get separate beds, go in a spare room or make him sleep on the sofa.

Talk? Heaven forbid!

No you should go straight to the dumping per the usual sage MN advice from all the single women.

Quite.

Perhaps I've been single for too long, but I don't understand why people seem to need written permission in triplicate before touching their partner in any way that's even remotely sexual. I used to like being woken up for sex.

Obviously I'm not suggesting it's acceptable to grab someone's genitals or do anything penetrative when they're asleep.

Tell him to stop. If he fails to understand consent then dump him.