Miserable in my marriage

[LadyJos]

Just looking for support as I want to leave my husband and so scared about the future. No point going into detail but I’ve tried very very hard, thought of all kinds of creative ways to make it work but life with him is strenuous, stressful and I’ve lost all confidence in myself. He’s not very nice, understanding or supportive. He’s hugely arrogant and entitled and I’ve been carrying us both for so long. I’ve two young children. I’m worried financially and I don’t really have any friends anymore and my parents while well-meaning constantly undermine me and have me questioning my instincts. Really no idea where to turn.

Is life ok post divorce?

What’s your housing situation? Do you work?

Yes I work and we own our house together

I would start by getting some legal advice. You don’t need to act on it yet. If you’re a trade union member they often provide free legal advice. Or some family law firms will give 30 minutes free advice.

You sound pretty unhappy so I hope you find your way to freedom and peace.

Use the time to get advice, copies kf all finances etc. Focus on working on your plan, is it ask him to moce out so it doesn't disrupt kids lives whilst you go through a divorce etc. At the very least you will have it all planned to pull the trigger wheb you are ready to.

My sister is recently divorced (other reasons) bit of a shock for her as she didn't know how to manage bills as he alwsys did it. So use this time to learn everything if you don't know already. She is absolutely fine now (2yrs on) obviously having to manage on one salary is not easy so I think you need to spend time working that all out. If you cant afford to stay in the house have to sell up whats the cost of places nearby etc.

Thank you that seems a good idea. I didn’t even think of that small step

Noone thinks you need to leave tomorrow either obviously thats your decision but if you sre still pondering it this is how best to use the time, to work out yojr plan, finances etc. Because when you do, do it your emotions will be all over the place you wil also need to comfort your children and then you sont need these admin stuff like bills and can you afford everything to be on top too. I would if you odnt have one already put s mk they budget together of income and spending and what things you might need to stop. Also if time is on your side might be worth seeing when contracts end and whether you downgrade things when renewing so you arent stuck woth a high expenditure.

You should also look at whst help you could get in terms of benefits and be ready to apply for them.

Most of all be kind to yourself

How old are the kids?

like PP said -
in all honesty I would take a year to de center him (look it up!) and live for you. Eg dinner you want. Weekend plans you want with or without the kids. Use the time for the kids to get bigger and easier (while you have a spare pair of hands) and learn more about divorce and find the papers work etc. make a good social network. And then when you are in a stronger place start the divorce

Life is okay after divorce sometimes, It depends on what you do to provide emotional security and closure of the situation.