Ex husband has passed away

[Barbarella73]

I found out this evening that my ex-husband passed away suddenly last month. We have been divorced for 13 years, and had not been in contact since then. Not because of any animosity, there was just nothing to say when all was said and done. He was a very good man, but not right for me.

I feel really sad, which is surprising to me. From what I understand, he died unexpectedly abroad - he was only 57. Not sure why I’m posting - maybe a handhold, or a virtual shoulder squeeze. I’m going to have to call my dad and tell him - I never thought my dad would outlive him.

Condolences and a virtual squeeze.

I had similar at 53, my Ex from 18 years ago died suddenly and it threw up a load of unexpected emotions. I put it down to the finality of it all and perhaps having some loose ends that will never be tied up, although I didn't think there were any until then.

Be kind to yourself.

Oh, I'm very sorry to hear this. You did love and care for him once upon a time so it makes sense you feel sad now.

Take care of yourself, it will still be a bit of a shock.

I'm sorry about your bad news OP.
It's hard not to feel emotional over the death of someone you once cared deeply about.
I never stopped caring about my first H despite our disastrous short marriage and have always felt tremendously sad about how his life panned out after we divorced.
Take care of your self OP.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. My ex died two years ago and at first I was shocked, then numb and then very tearful. You were together at first for a reason and it’s this part that you’re grieving.

Sending you a handhold 💐

My friend's dad died recently, her parents had been divorced for many years and she was surprised that her mum was so upset. When she asked her mum, she said he was my first love and I did love him very much for a long time.

So just here to say it's completely normal for you to be shocked and sad. Be kind to yourself x

Even though you may have been divorced for 13 years, there was a time that he was your husband and you loved him. He was part of your life. I think it's natural to feel upset. If the relationship had ended badly or had been abusive, then your feelings on hearing his passing, might have been different.

Thank you all so much ❤️

I feel for you.

I'm so sorry. Give yourself time to heal.

I've recently found out a online emotional affair man had died suddenly and I don't know how to feel or what to do.

Grief can be different for lots of different reasons.

My ex died suddenly while abroad (an accident). We had a young adult child together who was in another country at the time of his death. Having to tell her when her flight landed was probably the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. Although I had remarried, my grief was all-consuming, not just for my child's loss but also my own. Unfortunately, I have experienced several close, personal losses in my life, but this one hit me hardest, in part because of the shock of it. This was also a man I had once loved beyond all measure. Those feelings don't just disappear, however long ago they were or however estranged you were. My deepest condolences.

I am really sorry @Barbarella73. I think it’s entirely justifiable to feel upset. Please take care of yourself and I hope you have someone to talk to about it in real life.

I could have almost written this myself, my ex also died suddenly in his late 50s a few weeks ago. We had been on only minimal communication for 10 years. I came here because of your post, and I can only offer empathy and a shoulder squeeze from another person experiencing a similar loss.

I feel like somone has shut the door on a significant part of my life, and thrown away the key. It only happened 2.5 weeks ago, sometimes I'm ok, other times I just want to howl. I think what doesn't help is that I'm barely in touch with his family and friends so don't have too many people to talk about with, and feel cut off from the intense mourning I know everyone in his life will be going through.One thing I think I will do in time is visit one of his favourite places and spend some time there to remember him.

It’s a strange feeling that there was someone who was a partner and a witness to so much of your life that’s no longer here

It’s a bit surreal, isn’t it? When you’re no longer in someone’s everyday life, it almost feels like you can’t openly grieve them. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I think it’s a lovely idea to go somewhere he loved to commemorate him x

This really resonates with me. There is nobody to remember exactly that version of me now. I was only 24 when we married, and so full of fire! I was rubbish at being married though 🙄

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s a strange feeling, I find. I was still great friends with mine when he died recently.

I’m sorry for your loss too - my dad always used to say ‘what’s it all for?’ when people passed away, and that’s kind of where I’m at right now. It’s lovely that you were good friends with your ex.

My school friend thought this (what’s it all for ) when her father died. He was a university professor and she lamented the loss of his knowledge. Her mum reassured her by saying that he had passed everything on to his students and so he carried on in them.

So to bring it back, everything good about your ex will have been passed on to someone, even if you don’t know them x

It really is. And my sincere condolences to you too.

What a lovely and true response.

Be kind to yourself @Barbarella73 you may no longer be in a relationship but he was very important in your life before. Take time to mourn. Best wishes

Such a lovely response.