40 and never met "the one" or "true love". Guy I like is 35. Is it all over for me?

[Fedupcreative86]

I left my controlling ex and, with the help of some women's services, moved to Liverpool last summer aged 38 coming up 39. I'm currently in temp accommodation and bidding for HA flats. I'm now just turned 40 and, as stupid as this might sound, have constant anxiety about the future and feel it's too late, the main anxiety being that I've never met the right man (I'm heterosexual).

Every relationship I've had, I was never that into them- I had low self confidence and just sort of drifted into relationships with nice enough men. Crap sex as well. There is a man I like a lot here- he's 35 but doesn't know I'm 40 (he's never asked my age as we've only talked in passing and had friendly chats). I dont even know if he likes me that way also, but, say he does, he's going to run a mile once he finds out how old I am isn't he? (His ex was 5 years younger than him). I don't look or feel (or act, haha!) 40- I can pass for late 20s/early 30s (lucky me) and no kids, but it comes up eventually when you get to know someone doesn't it? I feel like I'll never meet the right man 😞 or should I give up on Mr Handsome and stick to older men like I always have? Do any of you have any uplifting stories to cheer me up?

EDIT: I know "the one" is a silly notion, seeing as there's millions of people in this world, I'm just giving that as an example

Is this rage bait? It’s five years, you’re not the crypt keeper ffs lol. I thirty six and have no problem dating men who are 26 and up. It’s not 1950. You are allowed to be older than him lol. They don’t care op.

If he’s handsome then just enjoy it.

You’re 40 love, not 96!

I would say though, to make sure you have improved your self esteem and spent a couple of years reading up on how to spot abuse before even thinking of dating again.

Otherwise you’ll settle for the wrong sort and possible find yourself in another abusive relationship.

So what he's a little bit younger ? If you were dating someone 5 yrs older would anyone think that's a problem?
This is definitely in your head

Nope, not rage bait I can assure you! I'm just very anxious atm

Thanks 😊

Yes I think you're right, it's in my head. I can be very hard on myself and my ex- who funnily enough was older than he said he was and I only found out when I found his passport- told me I wouldn't find anyone else at my age 🙁

See how it goes OP, no need to announce your age. Just enjoy ! But do tell him if it gets serious because it could affect any plans to have children together.

Yes, that's what I plan on doing if it goes well. I don't want children (never have), but men I date might.

Concentrate on finding your happiness and your peace without a man. Shore up your boundaries. Spend time learning how to spot abuse. Especially love bombing as I feel that would be a weakness for you right now if mr handsome started that nonsense. You don’t want to get swept up and land in something toxic again.

He might be lovely. He might also be interested. But it doesn’t sound like you are ready. Being worried that time is running out, is not ready. You cannot approach dating from an unhealthy place. It will lead to an unhealthy result.

You will probably have several more relationships over the rest of your life. Most relationships have an end date. They work until they don’t. But it looks like past yo7 had a habit of being in them just for the sake of being in them.

Crap sex…with men you aren’t even that into is pointless.
The only point of a relationship is to make a good life even happier. If the man doesn’t do this for you then don’t keep him around. You have to be brutal about chasing your happiness but even more so about preserving your peace.

Most men are not good for us.

Hope it goes really well for you.

Well at least you know your are better off without him. Cheek!

Don’t give that any headspace, he sounds awful and clearly made shit up to suit his own purposes.

I’m the same about kids. Men have literally never brought it up though. I think most guys are on the fence and don’t care either way tbh. I’ve never dated anyone older than 34 though.

Abusers like to tell you you will never find anyone after they leave. For xyz reason. It’s total guff.