Have you ever forgiven online cheating?

[MyPeachTiger]

I had my suspicions but they have now been confirmed that my partner has been paying for videos on OF, sending nudes to women taken in our bed, dirty messages, watching violent corn and making fake social media accounts to ‘like’ photos of half dressed women. I feel sick to my stomach, I’m currently pregnant and have a school age child. He lost interest in me sexually in the past year, we did it when I fell pregnant and it felt quite awkward and not natural. He hasn’t hugged or kissed me in a long time. I know corn addictions can cause that. Now he’s been caught out he’s claiming it was a mistake that spiralled but I don’t believe him or trust him anymore. In my mind I’ve checked out and we’re over, but I’m so upset for my children having a broken home. I kind of wish I’d turned a blind eye and been unhappy so my children get both parents and an enjoyable childhood without financial difficulties. His family are telling me I’m being selfish for not forgiving him because he didn’t physically cheat so it doesn’t count (!). I don’t believe he didn’t physically cheat although I don’t have solid proof of that. I just know they will make my life so hard and I don’t want it to affect my girls. Can anyone share their experiences please?

I'm so sorry. This must be horrible to discover.

I don't have any experiences with this, but I have to say the violent porn and paying sex workers for content would be a big no from me. I do not believe good men watch women being physically hurt to get off. It would make me question everything else about his character.

I don't think you're selfish to not forgiving him as he already crossed the line.

However, your circumstance is more complicated than forgiveness or not. I would like to point out some questions:

• do you still love him?
• do you want to maintain a marriage only because of your kid and financial stability?
• is he a good dad?
• porn addiction probably is a sign of dis-satisfactions. Did you and your husband figure out root causes? (It's not your fault as people keep changing over time.)
• does your husband aim to re-build a healthy marriage with you?

You just need to answer these question to yourself honestly.

This isn't your fault OP. You are not being selfish. And you shouldn't feel guilty. This is all down to him and his porn addiction and escalating disgusting behaviour. And it will only get worse. He will need more and more extreme material to get off on.
Staying with him would have totally damaged your self worth. Your unhappiiness and the dysfunctional relationship would have affected your children.

I decided to forgive DH when I found flirty messages to another woman three years ago. I’ve never been able to trust him again, day to day I am OK and we’re good but then I start getting suspicious and outright accuse him. Every time I’ve accused him, he’s opened up his phone and shown me whatever I need to see. He leaves his phone out at night so I have access to it. I don’t check it but I do go through urges. Yes he is being open, but it still hasn’t taken away the way I’m feeling. So I really don’t know what to do, but I don’t want to break the family up , with two young DC’s. So I totally understand where you come from. The only chance of it working if he becomes really open and is patient with you.

I think once the trust and respect have gone, the relationship is over.