Am I different?

[Realjournal123]

I’ve had major trust issues with my partner of 25 years, for the last 6 years. However, things came to a head in 2022 when o found he’d taken an apt abroad. That led me to monitor him more closely. He travels a lot and I’ve seen his VERY obvious massages about infidelity. We have argued a lot but it’s always ended in me Just running out of steam whilst he ignores me or calls me unstable, then we dont speak for a week
I incredibly got him to admit that he’s slept with two prostitutes abroad.Very strangely I’ve just accepted it! How am I doing this? Do some women do this? I tried to get more out of him and he got very arsy and said ‘ I’ve had 200 OK’! And I simply sat and said ‘have you’? He probs expected me to blow up.
Even more odd we went out for an amicable lunch right after he told me about the two hookers. Am I normal? We are talking as if nothing has happened. He’s acting g very ‘cock sure’. Like nothing has happened. Please be kind and dont tell me I’m a doormat.

How much are you worth? Not to him but to your family and friends?
Much, much more.

If you weren’t aware you’ve become a doormat, you wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Anyway no, your reaction isn’t really normal but you know that too.

What a horrible man.

You need to get him out of your life pronto.

Oh love, what do you want anyone to say?

Be kind? That would mean telling you to get this prick out of your life and do some major major work on yourself before entering another relationship.

I don’t know what’s happened in your life that you think this is normal or acceptable. You sound like you’re in a trance.

If this was happening to someone you love, your daughter, sister, best friend etc, what advice would you give them?
He is acting cock sure because he knows he has got you exactly where he wants you, so beaten down by his behaviour that you’re numb to the horrid things he’s doing.
The bloke is an utter cunt and you know you deserve better.

I’d do 2 things:

1. Get tested for STD’s just in case he’s picked something up on his travels (that’s assuming you’re still riding him of course)
2. Get the hell out of there and find someone who will respect you.

I know it sounds a bit ‘Jeremy Kyle’ but I’ve convinced him to do a polygraph test as I want to know if there are many more infidelities in the past and wether he wants to continue with this lifestyle. I know he is a pig. It wont prove much more than I already know but i do seem to be in a trance or just in shock so I believe this test will wake me up a bit.

Absolute waste of time. Once, ten times, two hundred times, nothing’s convinced you yet, what odds will it make?

OP, he was probably telling the truth when he said 200.

One is enough for you to dump him. He's unfaithful and unrepentant. What's the point of having a relationship with someone like that?

Have you thought about getting an STI check? That should wake you up a bit!

Do you live with this repulsive man?

Yes we live together. We have children. I’ve had an STI check and I haven’t had penetrative sex because of my suspicions for a couple of years now.

@Realjournal123 There are good men out there. Yours is a scum. Document all financials and leave the creep.

What do you think is making you stay, OP? I have a friend in a similar situation to you, and she just stays and takes it. I think it's because of some very old fashioned attitudes she seems to have internalised somewhere along the way. One day she'll so regret staying, as will you. Galvanise yourself to pay a visit to a good solicitor.

Skeets are gonna skeet.
Either accept his shit , it won't ever stop, or stand up for yourself and leave
If he has money to travel and take foreign apartments, he can pay you child support.

What do you actually want? Some people have open marriages, or are perfectly fine with their partners having other partners. But is that ok with you specifically? It wouldn’t be ok with me. But maybe it is for you?? But to be asking the question here I mumsnet, then you must not be happy with this set up. also the fact you are talking about polygraphs and reading messages, says that this isn’t some happy open relationship where you are fine with him having other partners. Or it would be open and you would be happy. Is this what you imagined your life to be like? Look back to before he came into your life, would this have been fine? Look to the future, will you regret having put up with this?

You’re going to get him to do a polygraph test - why?. It’s a complete waste of time.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. If someone else was writing this what would your own counsel be?.

Do not stay with him for the supposed sake of the children. I presume they are the only reason why you have stayed with him.

He’s disgusting. Why are you still there? Do you feel financially trapped? Do you work?

I just need another shock to see how bad he actually is. How long he’s been unfaithful for. Is it 25 years?? Urs I’ll be more lonely than I already. I’m not into having an open relationship. My parents had a poor relationship and I’ve never had much faith in men. I’ve had my kids to concentrate on but now they have left. I’ve given h so much and I’ve basically been ignored by him.

FGS Just leave him.