Dont know what I want

[Dillydallyplumpie]

I feel I'm in a constant cycle of wanting to leave my husband, or have a fling, seek connection with someone else for the excitement, or I'm content for a couple of weeks, scared of being alone due to not knowing what the future holds and being relatively 'happy' with my normal life. Bit of a background story, been together since mid teens, 3 children together, I've done 90% of the parenting and housework, errands, appointments over the years. We have a fairly stressful life, one child has ADHD, no family support network. He can be very selfish, we parent differently. I've always had this itch to be on my own and find someone else, but I worry that decision could be the worst decision. We live a comfortable life, we do nice family things together, holidays, a few weekends away together a year, albeit family time is stressful as he is impatient. Why do I feel this way, why dont I feel content? Advice please. Has anyone left and regretted it?

I have no advice to offer you, but I'm in the same boat. DH is a good man, a good father, but is neuodiverse and permanently stressed. I'm basically the manager and decision maker for the family. I think I can prance around naked in front of him and he wouldn't look up from his to do list. No advice. but sympathy.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you're in the same boat. Mine is a good man too, but just like yours he is stressed alot, wants to do what HE wants and wont wait around for me or the children. His way or the highway. I suspect mine is neurodivergent too. Its a shame we have to suffer, yet also care so much about their feelings so put theirs first

"Mine is a good man"

You do 90% of all the household & family stuff. He is selfish and impatient. He is stressed a lot, wants to do what he wants, won't wait for you or the dc, and it is his way or the highway.

In what way is he a good man?

Aside from that. I meant he is a good man as in he is faithful, not violent, doesnt take drugs, alot of people i know have men like this. But you could have a man like that that does help with the children and the housework, so would that make them a good man because they help their wives? Just a thought. I wouldnt want to end up with a man like that for the sake of him helping around the house is all I'm saying

That’s literally absolute bare minimum. Simply not being violent does not make someone a good man.

And that attitude allows them to get away with being useless.

I do agree, as he does make this excuse when I pull him up on how he is and that i'm unhappy.

You don't say how old you are or how old your children are?
X

Sounds pretty miserable.
I think I'm on the side of leaving, either now, or later if it's not possible now.
Just not being violent or abusive is a very low bar. Doesn't make him a good man and it sounds like he's a very selfish partner and parent. You can almost certainly do better or be happier with less baggage and admin to manage if you stayed single.