Argh.
I met my now girlfriend (we're both women) around three months ago. We have huge amounts in common - she's thoughtful, smart, witty, ambitious and generally absolutely fantastic. I felt early on that something wasn't quite right sexually - despite a lot of chemistry and connection when it came to that side of things she seemed "not there" for lack of a better term, or having sex as though it was something she was giving me.
We spoke about it, and one of the things I asked her was whether there was anything in her past I needed to be aware of, that may be casting a shadow over things. I knew that she'd had a chaotic upbringing. Neither of us drink, at all, but last week she came home from the pub with a colleague having had a few glasses of wine and told me about the horrific sexual abuse she had experienced, from age 5 onwards. What started off as sexual abuse and rape by a teenage boy turned into homelessness as a teen herself and effectively exchanging sex for accommodation. That same night she told me how much she was beating herself up that she thinks I'm wonderful and perfect and that she worries she isn't a good partner to me, sexually and in general. I told her the truth - that I care hugely about her and love her as she is, and want to work with her to have sex in a way that feels good to her. We had sex that night, initiated by her (which I now hugely question the wisdom of given what has followed) and she was forward to the point of aggression - as though she was giving me what she thought I wanted.
Basically - she has been drinking since. For three/four days now. She didn't tell me, but she was due to come and help me with a very difficult thing I had to do at the weekend, didn't turn up, told me she was ill and had slept through it, and today did similar. When we spoke at the end of yesterday she told me the truth. I asked her to not drink anymore, she said she needed to drink in order to get to sleep. I went round, she was several bottles of wine down, and the night alternated between her trying to have sex with me (I refused), many tearful conversation, more disclosure of sexual abuse, and her blasting music to drown out our conversation. I left early this morning.
Yesterday was also for her the anniversary of a long-term partner's death - and she acknowledged how much that was colouring things.
I have no idea what to do here. Normal her is thoughtful, reflective - incredibly smart and able to think things through. The her from the past few days is an angry drunk who is visibly using alcohol to try cope with things she can't cope with. I'm also worried that this idea she has that she needs to do x or y to be good enough for me (which is a nonsense) has tipped her into drinking - ie that I'm part of the problem.
When I left today I told her to get back into bed (she could see I was wary and that something was up) and to ring me when she had slept and was sober. I told her yesterday unequivocally that I can work through all manner of difficult things with her, that I care about her, that she matters, but that I'm not going to condone or nod along with her diving into alcohol abuse, so that would be a red line for me.
What on earth do I do now?