Why is my ExH in my dreams when I hate his guts?

[blondeseaside]

I dream vividly every night. My Ex husband is often in my dreams. We were together for 20 years and he’s the father of my adult children. He cheated on me for years and I left him. He’s been a psychopath ever since and I can honestly say that I hate his guts and wouldn’t care if he died tomorrow. I’m happily married and very in love with my DH for the past 18 years. But my horrible ex is in my dreams a few times a week and I don’t know why. There must be a reason. Unresolved trauma?

Because he's still a big part of your life.

If you're still thinking about him during the day, (even if it's just "Fuck I hate that twat"), then he's still likely to crop up in your dreams.

There's no deeper meaning to it than that.

You shared your life with him, trusted him, had children with him, and he betrayed you and fucked you over brutally. It wasnt an amiable ending to the relationship.

When you get treated like that from someone you trusted, it goes deep and it can stay with you.

It might be worth trying to write down, in daylight, the dreams and how you feel in them and then burn them. Help your self process the deep feelings. Over time it might help.

Or therapy, though it doesnt work for everyone.

It is trauma related. Several of my abusive exes (one similar MH issues to your ex from the sounds of it) feature in mine at times too. I think your brain in the day scans for similar situations, so if you are feeling stress your brain takes you back to when you were stressed and replays the memories linked when you sleep. In mine they are pretending to be nice and I have a feeling of complete dread because I know it won't last. Lots of stalking in my dreams too as one did that for a few months and it still worries me. It isn't about day to day life as such, just what your brain is still working to unpick in your subconscious.

I suppose it's because you hate his guts and he's living rent free in your head, as they say. Therapy might help, if not then just time. The less you worry about something you have no control over I think the sooner it will stop.

Actually re the writing it down thing, I have found AI very good at talking through particularly vivid dreams. Might be worth a go, just on the free Gemini.

Good advice given already.

Just wanted to empathise really. My timelines are similar to yours. Happily remarried ect.

I dream about my xh a few times a year (well it's more like i'm having a perfectly ok dream and then he turns up in it!). As soon as he turns up i start to try, even as i'm still fast asleep and still deep in the dream, to get away from him. I leave the 'story line' of the dream and start to just walk away. This process sometimes wakes me up and then I'm all out of sorts for the whole day.

💐

It's symbolic - is there something going on in your life that relates to how he made you feel when he was around? I have been dreaming about a terrible ex boss recently - which hasn't been very restful - and then I linked it to something going on in my life (unfairness) which is the feeling that pretty much dominated my working life under that boss. I went for a long walk on the beach yesterday to have a think about unfairness and blow the cobwebs away - didn't dream about them last night for the first time in about two weeks.