Not trusting DH

[BrightYellow3]

Long story short, I want to know if my insecurities are playing tricks on me. I want to know if you would mind your partner playing a mobile game, where he can be in a team with other members and the possibility of private chats etc. Would you mind them discussing the game with other members including women? I don’t feel I can trust DH after infidelity 3 years ago, inappropriately texting another woman. I felt anxious when I looked up the game he’s been playing where it says there’s a chat function and I outright demanded he show me his game. He showed me it all and couldn’t see anything suspicious except speaking about the game to members. I know it sounds awful and we have two small kids so there’s bigger things for me to worry about but I am just so fed up of feeling this way. This is the second time I’ve asked to see his phone since the infidelity 3 years ago. The first time was also this week where I asked to see his WhatsApp, he showed me everything but I still have these insecurities. I just don’t know what to do.

Have you had couples counselling? I think it's an absolutely normal reaction to infidelity to feel insecure and as though you can't trust him. Based on the evidence of his past behaviour, I wouldn't trust him either!

This is just textbook trust issue stuff, honestly i’m not sure you can ever fully trust someone again after they’ve cheated, i’ve tried but no matter what you do or what they do to try and rebuild the trust it never goes back to what it was, and it just takes something small to bring the paranoia back again. Sorry you’re facing this, i know how hard it is x

If there was no history of infidelity then you sound crackers

But there is, and its his actions that have caused you to feel this way.
Given you feel like this after three years, I'd say you will never trust him so you need to call it quits for your long term sanity.

I don’t see any way out of this except leaving him. Not because I want to but because I can’t feel like this anymore . Day to day I am OK then something like this pops up and I spiral. Never had this problem with ex’s, wouldn’t care what’s on their phone

Your feelings are completely fair. He betrayed your trust. The onus isn’t on you to make sure you heal and forgive. He broke the relationship, not you. You’ve tried your very best but either intuition is telling you he’s up to no good (WhatsApp does locked / hidden chats, he could have hidden apps etc..) or you’re feeling paranoid because of past experiences.

My own experience is that people who cheat do it routinely. Because it’s addictive. They don’t stop unless they absolutely have to (and then they restart again some time later).