Feeling very overwhelmed tonight and need a listening ear and advice please if anyone about. Married for nearly 20 years, 3 children. A lot of history and issues with his drug use. About 12 years ago, he was taking drugs (other than Cannabis- he still uses that despite me saying enough is enough. Keeps promising to quit) and I found he has been speaking to women online. It appeared like he met one for sex but managed to convince me he hadn't and blamed the drugs for his behaviour. Looking back, I was not in the best place mentally and our marriage was hanging on by a thread. Rightly or wrongly, we worked through it and had our third child, who was not planned.
Fastforward and I am struggling. I feel that years of resentment over what happened has impacted me and any little thing sends me spiralling. We have a child with additional needs and do not sleep in the same bed due to me co sleeping. We have massively rejected our marriage due to this, and I feel alone essentially. I have worked to retrain, have a professional career and want to make positive changes but feel dragged down. He KNOWS I hate him smoking cannabis yet still he continues and promises to stop.
He is a good husband in many ways- he really helped with my retraining, is a good dad. Does more than a lot of my friends husbands do. I also worry about the impact on our children if we separate bit I feel so unhappy. I feel unloved and after everything I have put up with, how is that fair?
Sorry not sure what at I expect from this thread but just feeling so down..