So I was with someone for just under a year. I ended it back in the summer for a number of reasons.
I am early fifties, he's late fifties.
Haven't been that bothered about getting back out there. I have a friend who met a great guy two years ago and is encouraging me to go out and mingle more. I have agreed and we have a few nights out planned. If I meet someone, fine, if I don't, I'm also fine. She's trying to set me up with one of his friends who I have already met and we did seem to click, but I really just want something to happen organically, if at all. She seems very concerned that I meet someone, but I think it's her fear of me going back to my ex.
At one point, I said to myself I wouldn't tell her about the negative stuff, as I didn't want to hear her berate me and ask me why it took so long to leave him. But we went for a long walk the other day and it all came tumbling out. She's begged me not to go back to him, and she's absolutely right. She thinks this is gaslighting and I agree.....
He contacted me out of the blue last week as he'd seen me out and about and asked if we could talk. I agreed to speak on the phone but not to meet up. We had a long discussion on the phone today about what went wrong and I know in my heart that I would never be happy. In particular, after his responses to stuff he said both last year and earlier in the year..... I brought up some of the issues.
- One time, he told me that he had spent a lot of money on petrol taking me out to a restaurant and then that he had spent £100 on me that week. When he said that, I was very offended and told him so and challenged the crazy amount of money. I also spent money on him and paid half of the meal. It felt really mean and stingy, especially as we had only been dating for not even three months. I mentioned it and he said "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was really I care about you, so I was happy to spend money on you and I still am".
- He used to work as a bouncer in a nightclub, which used to be very busy, three nights a week. At the time, he was married. He said it was a struggle when all the young girlies came out in their super short skirts not to want to chat them up and how much of a struggle it was to not sleep with other women when he was married. I remember walking out of the house when he said that, realising he was not a very nice person. Somehow he talked me into going back to him. I brought it up during our phone chat and he denied even saying it, that if he had, then he must have either been drunk or joking. "How come you remember that? That's ridiculous!!"
I am right to never go back to this man. My friend is right. Just needed to vent on here as I know I will be supported.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. My friend says he must think extremely highly of himself to even be trying to get back into my good books again!