For most of my adult life, I’ve questioned my sexuality. I’ve always been attracted to women but I was raised in a catholic household and same sex relationships were considered a sin. I’ve never ever ever acted on it.
I have forced myself into relationships with men, got married, had children, been abused and now after years and years of intense therapy I’ve accepted I will never force myself into a relationship with a man again.
I cannot bring myself, however, to accept that this is because really, I’d like to explore whether it really is because I seek relationship with a woman, or whether that is just because it’s been forbidden. Does that make sense? In my head, I have my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles all telling me how disappointed and disgusted they are with same sex relationships.
My own household isn’t like this, my ex husband is, but my children know that I don’t hold them to this absurd and outdated standard, so if they were to ever tell me they were attracted to the same sex they know I would accept them and welcome their decision with love.
I am writing here as maybe this will resonate with someone and maybe just putting it out there will help me make sense of it.