I want to leave my husband and take the 3 children with me

[Hocuspocuspreparatus]

Hello everyone,

My mental state its not at its best due to anxiety, job loss etc and I simply would need some advice.
We have been together 15 years, we have 3 gorgeous children, but we simply can’t stand each other anymore, we argue 24/7, I don’t believe I love him anymore, I want no intimacy but I still have just to keep him quiet as I cannot hear anymore criticism and complaints on this matter that I am never available, I never want to etc, we are currently going through hell financially, I have zero money and zero income as I resign when he got a office based role so I could take kids to school, clubs, etc otherwise it would have been impossible with little one in nursery full time with free hours still £1900 (my salary was £2100 net) we continuously argue about anything but specifically in front of the kids which I hate, I don’t want to be like my parents. There been hard words between us, shouting at each other etc.

i have zero money, no job, and I want to leave with kids. We have no family here (everyone abroad) how do I start? Where to go? Homeless with 3 kids? What do I do? Please no judgement, my mum stayed with my father because of us, which I don’t want. My husband its a wonderful man, and he deserves happiness.
I don’t know what to do and where do I start? Should I go to sleep in the parc? Please help

Have you had a calm conversation with your DH about separation or would it just start a fight?

You mentioned your mental health isn’t great and by the sounds of your post you’re maybe scrabbling about a bit trying to make an escape plan without thinking clearly (I mean this kindly)

you sound like you need a good friend, a hug and a cup tea to chat through all this

If you leave now you are not in a position to take your kids with you, and that's without considering that he may fight you on it or actually be the parent better placed to offer them a stable family home.
Take a breath, work out what you can earn and what you can save. Speak to your husband about needing a united front at least in front of the kids, and save disagreements for when they aren't around. They'll still sense the atmosphere but it's marginally better than all out war in front of them.

Work things out through counselling and therapy for couples.

First step go back to work and ga e your own money coming in

which country do you live in?

I would suggest couple counselling. You both have things that are making you unhappy, but neither of you speak of these things,
I would never suggest couple counselling, when a relationship has come to and end, but you said that you still cared for your husband.

Uk

Which country within the UK?

Would he be happy with the children living with you full time.

I think going to the GP about your depression and get a job are your first priorities.

You can't just leave with 3 children. You are thinking of leaving for your native country?

You know the marriage is over, so no need for any more fighting.
Neither party should move out until the house and financials are sorted in the divorce, which can be started online.
Will he not be parenting 50/50?

As others have said, you can’t just leave with your three children. There is every chance he will want joint custody, and from what you’ve said you aren’t in a financial position to house and support three children .

you have three options as far as I can see.

1. you try and work things out, couples therapy etc and find out if it really is the end of the relationship or not.

2)you cohabit together whilst you get some money together. Part time job in the evening when he’s back from work or weekends. Separate rooms and separate lives outside of being with the children.

3. One of you moves out but he has 50/50 custody of the children. You may want more but as you’ve already admitted you don’t have any money I’d advise against this.

I feel like having kids its a death sentence as I give up my job so he can work and I look after kids (which I do not regret) but I regret not being able to save so can have something on my own

No, just need to have our own space in the same city/village so kids can keep their schools/friends etc

It feels like not having a job / that extra little bit of money has really compounded things. Plus, if you’re home all day with the children, that can magnify things. Does any of this ring true, OP? Could there be something in you getting a little financial security behind you first before making such a big decision?

Has everyone missed that the husband is nagging OP into having sex she does not want?

How much money does he have?
Any way you can get some, fast? Eg by telling him the car has broke down and the garage needs a grand to fix it? Anything in the house you can sell? For example, old video games.

You need a fund.
Talk to the council and see what money you are entitled to.
You need to build up enough to leave.

Honestly, if there is no abuse directed at the kids I’d be inclined to leave on my own first. I know people will go “oh what about the kids” but - the kid will be fine if he has money. Let him support them.

Then you can just rent a room somewhere, work and save up. Then go for the divorce and once you have enough saved you can rent a place big enough to have the kids, go fifty fifty.

Fuck staying in a sexually coercive environment. Get out and get out fast.
Alternatively, report him for sexual coercion. They might remove him from the home while they pursue charges. But that leaves you still having to look after the kids and will make it harder to find work.

I’d honestly just leave. Yes it’s sad to have to “leave” the kids. But hopefully it should only be for six months or a year or so whilst you save up from working and, pursue the divorce n sell the house etc.

You just have to be very clear with the kids that that’s what’s happening and that they’ve done nothing wrong, you’re just working to make a new home for them.

Tbh they’ll probably be glad to be away from the arguing.

Just make sure wherever you are is somewhere you can’t have them cause otherwise he will drop them with you and stop you working.

Be selfish. Do what needs done now to secure things for you and the kids later.