me and DP have been together nearly 7 years. We have a 3 year old. When we met I worked a professional job on a decent salary - above average for my age. He had his own business and earned considerably more. Our relationship at the start was exciting as most are. We rented an apartment together and then he decided to sell his house and buy a very expensive house. I was not included in the mortgage so have no ownership of the house. A year later DD arrives. I give up work so I can have an extended maternity leave and return to a lesser paid part time (4 days per week) job when she is 19 months old. DP’s business pays me a ‘top up’ on top of my salary although I am still around 20k less than what I was earning before DD. I continue to do all household labour and am the primary parent for DD doing 99% of nursery pick up and drop off. DP does not even scrape his own plate into the bin or wipe the sides after he’s made food. We have a cleaner who comes every 2 weeks to do the ‘deep’ cleaning, DP has often made comments that I don’t clean because we have a cleaner - he doesn’t understand the daily chores. I am also responsible for making sure bills get paid etc essentially all household admin.
Aside from the above DP is at best dismissive and at worst rude about pretty much anything I try to talk to him about. He’s completely disinterested in me unless it’s for sex. Our sex life is basically non existent because there is no connection on my part, how can I want to have sex with a man who treats me like a servant and doesn’t take a blind bit of interest in me? On top of this he constantly farts and stinks out the house. When I’ve told him it’s disgusting he makes sarcastic comments. His idea of affection of randomly grabbing my boob or bum. It just turns me off completely.
He is not a bad dad but he doesn’t realise that I facilitate him being able to have fun with DD because I do all the responsible stuff. If he takes her out she is cleaned, dressed, fed and bag packed in advance. All of this is taken for granted.
I want to leave but I’m worried about DD she loves her Dad and will often cry and ask where he is when he’s at work. I feel selfish if I break up the family.
we have tried couples therapy but I think things are too far gone
any advice from people who have gone through similar welcome.