Help me develop a bloody backbone

[Twinkortwee]

I feel seriously, seriously guilty for cancelling a date tonight.

Super excited to meet him. Trying to get back out there again after a failed experience

He asked me out directly. He is lovely to look at and a catch.

I’ve had to message this morning to say the date is cancelled because my dad is in hospital, and I’m travelling up to see him.

He hasn’t read/responded yet but why do I feel like such a time waster and so cheeky?

I feel like a massive player. Like I’m just playing with his time. But my reasoning is legit.

I read so many threads about men lying about why they are busy and/or cancelling dates so maybe that’s why? Mumsnet always says they are probably lying and it’s not true. Maybe that’s why, I feel like he will feel I’m lying?

You know you aren’t lying. It’s irrelevant what you read online about whether or not men lie. If this man is annoyed or upset with you because of the valid reason why you have to cancel tonight then you’ve found out early that he’s not a catch and you don’t need to waste any more time on him.

Well if you're keen to see him another day, the obvious way to show that is to suggest a specific day to reschedule. He won't know whether it's a fob off or not otherwise.

yess are u right

“napody · Today 08:06
Well if you're keen to see him another day, the obvious way to show that is to suggest a specific day to reschedule. He won't know whether it's a fob off or not otherwise.”

This - did you suggest an alternative or just cancel? There’s no reason for you to feel like a player unless you are playing him but you need to make an effort to get another date fixed or he will feel fobbed off. The ball is firmly in your court if you want to keep possibilities open.

When we have to postpone a date or meeting, it’s polite to offer an alternative date for the future.

When you get a minute, phone him. Speak to him. Make repeated attempts to get hold of him, text is not the only way forward.

He might think that because it's a classic excuse. But you can message next week saying how your dad is getting on and asking to meet again. Hope your dad is OK.

I did think this but haven’t done it because it looks quite serious, and I don’t know when it’ll be okay. I can’t say next week as it looks like he may not be well enough by then

However, I did end the message saying I was really excited to meet him and want to arrange again when things are sorted

'Lovely to look at'?
Hope you're Dad is okay x

There you go then. Nothing else to be done at present. You definitely don't need to ring him. I'm not sure why you're beating yourself up about it- if he's good looking and confident enough to ask women out in person he's very unlikely to be losing sleep over it. And you haven't stood him up or cancelled last minute. Hope your dad is OK.

She’s means he’s hot. I don’t think this bit of the post needed querying tbh.

I would not bother with anyone who did not have the courtesy to reply and say that they were sorry your father was ill and wish him a speedy recovery and hoped to see you once you felt ready.

Is this a different bloke from the one you posted about a couple of days ago?

To be honest it sounds like you have bigger fish to fry, what he thinks of you isn’t that big a deal, you know you’re honest. If he’s a good guy he’ll give you another chance, if not he’s not for you

Please don't feel like a time waster. Your Dad is your first priority,
Dissapointing that he ignored your message.
If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, another more lovely man will come along.
I hope that your Dad gets better soon.

Disappointing that he ignored your message

Well to be fair it was only 8am, for someone working a standard daytime job, that’s pretty early to be reading and writing texts.

Is this the hotel guy or the other guy?!!!

Just wanted to update that he replied within the hour that he was really sorry to hear that and hoped things were okay soon! He didn’t mention another arrangement but I already mentioned in a previous message that I wanted to do that

Yes, different guy to the one mentioned on previous thread (I’m dating and trying to get back into the swing of dating different options/taking things slowly now).

Totally get that you are getting out there, but you have been quite vulnerable recently - hotel guy was a shit - so just slow it down a bit.
I know it’s hard and if your dad is poorly, concentrate on him, too.
You are analysing and giving so much headspace to messages, what they mean, what MN says (including me!) that you could easily get hurt.
I have been there, believe me, and took a complete break because I was all over the place.

Whoever cancels, for whatever reason (sorry to hear about your dad), then that person should rearrange.

It’s on you now.