Am I wrong to feel let down by dp

[HowlingFox]

We have an older dog who is v much my dog. Dp has been desperate for a puppy for ages. I’ve always said no because I work full time out the house and have a chronic illness which makes me v tired. I am only just about holding on to my job as it is. I am also the breadwinner as dp lost his job in Covid and has only managed to get something (fully wfh) just over minimum wage. I remember the puppy stage with the older dog - I did not have the illness then - and it was exhausting.

Anyway dp begged and begged and promised me he would do everything with the puppy, sleep downstairs with him etc. 2 weeks in and it’s a disaster. The puppy is v well behaved and sleeps through the night if someone takes him out at about 11. I go to bed at 9 and Dp just isn’t waking up. Because of that the puppy wakes up at 2-3am, Dp doesn’t wake up and I’m being disturbed every night. In addition, the older dog is waking up and barking as the puppy is disturbing him which means the entire house is being woken up. Today I’ve not been able to go to work as I’m completely exhausted - people at work are commenting on me yawning all day. I am quite literally dead on my feet. I have an Apple Watch and I’ve averaged 3-4 hours sleep a night last week (and on top of my illness, I feel hideous). It’s also now triggering a deterioration in my condition.

I spoke to Dp this morning and said he has to take the puppy into the kitchen and sleep with him because I can’t cope anymore. I can then sleep upstairs with the older dog. We did this one night and it worked fine. But Dp is desperate to get back to bed, which I understand, but I didn’t ask for this nor did the older dog and I think we have to focus on me getting better and back to work and worry about the long term solution later. I think he sees himself sleeping in another room for ages (tbh I don’t care at the moment, I just want my sleep!). I’m also furious that this has happened as this is exactly what I feared.

I don’t know what I’m asking really, I just want to vent. I don’t want to tell anyone in real life because I feel such an idiot that I feel for him convincing me. The puppy is also adorable and none of this is his fault!

You are right. Put mattress in kitchen for DH.
He is to wake to an alarm at 11pm then sleep the rest of the night there until puppy is fully trustworthy to sleep quietly on lower floor by itself.
Ask him to rehome the puppy if he can not cope.

It looks like it’s a natural step in what seems to be a pattern of your partner taking advantage of you.
Don’t think you’ll be able to get through to him as he feels entitled to everything you can provide in the relationship.

Nightmare. You have 3 beings to look after now and you are ill.

Your partner is making you life harder not easier. You know that don’t you. I don’t know what your options are but I would get earplugs and I would plan to break up. He is a selfish broke child. You have enough to deal with.
Bye bye.

He needs to take control. It's his responsibility.

I would be giving him an ultimatum to either step up and sort this out as he has promised or the puppy goes. And I would mean it.

Puppy or him? He's not had a job since covid which is a pretty long time to be without ANY job at all.

I would be rethinking my relationship OP, as the MN saying is - what does he add to your life?

God, this irritates me so much. DH and/or DC beg and plead for something - promise they'll do the work etc etc etc, but.... they don't. And then some poor woman is left holding the bag as always.

I agree with a PP. - this is ultimatum time. He steps up, or the puppy goes.

[This is also why I have refused to get a new dog after ours died last year. They all LOVE the dog, but it's muggins over here who does all the actual work and I'm not doing it anymore]

Ultimatum time.
He sleeps downstairs with puppy or puppy gets rehomed. End of discussion.

And please, do not have a baby with him, there will be no help with night feeds!

You have 3 beings to look after now and you are ill.

No she doesn't. She has herself and her dog to look after.

Her husband has himself and the puppy to look after.

I would be irate. Agree with pp, he either lifts his game or the puppy goes. You already felt you were only just holding onto your job. What does he think will happen if you lose it because you can’t function?

Thanks all - it’s v useful to vent! He has moved the fold out bed into the kitchen and will stay there tonight. I could weep with relief. Older dog and I are upstairs catching up on some sleep!