Is this platonic or not?

[LuLu345678]

I broke up with an ex a couple of months ago. I became friends with one of her friends towards the end of the relationship as we ran into each other at an event by chance and built our own connection. I’ve hung out with her once since the break up for an afternoon. We are all queer women btw.

Before we met up she made it clear to me that her loyalty lies with my ex which was strange as I knew they didn’t speak anymore and they share some mutual friends but that’s it. She has since admitted that they don’t really speak anymore only if they run into each other through friends. My ex also confirmed they have massively drifted and has accused me of turning her friend against her as apparently this friend changed towards her after running into me at the event but I think it’s just a coincidence as I have never spoken badly about my ex to this friend.

She also said that my ex told her I liked her as just a friend.

anyway, since I spend time with this friend last week (first time since the break up, second time overall). She has been messaging me every day. Very long voice notes and very open. Almost like we are best friends but I don’t speak to my closest friends this often or on this much detail.

Also when we met one on one since the break up we were laughing and joking sat next to each other and she patted me on my upper thigh. usually not platonic but she has explicity said it’s friends.

im starting to worry that there may be romantic feelings involved for her? But I’m not sure. The messages are very platonic and no flirting or anything like that. Im also worried that even if there isn’t romantic feelings involved of whether this is really respectful to my ex and how the mutual friend group might react to our sudden bond.

I know queer woman are known to build fast emotionally intimate friendships but I am quite newly out so don’t have much experience of this to go on. Does anyone have any view or advice please?

From what you've said, I think her feelings could be equally either platonic or romantic. I could also see someone in her position saying her interest in you is only platonic just to avoid a problem with the friend group. Or perhaps her feelings have evolved from platonic to romantic. It's also possible that she has conflicted feelings and isn't quite sure herself how she feels about you. Sometimes it can just be really hard to tell.

From what you've posted, I'm also not sure what your feelings for her are. You and your ex are over, so if you are interested in her romantically, there's no reason you can't just ask her if she has any romantic feelings for you. The friend group members aren't involved and shouldn't be considered. Or, if it's easier and the two of you do get together, you could always opt to keep it quiet for a while.

Sorry just to clarify she has never said it’s friends from her side. She hasn’t said how she feels about me but has implied it’s platonic by saying my ex told her I saw her as a friend.

I’d say she finds you attractive…

would it get messy if her ex is your friend or something like that though?

My ex is her friend but they don’t really speak anymore but do have mutual friends so run into each other from time to time.

Anyone?

This all sounds very messy and incestuous. My two cents advice: Why not step back a bit from this possibly over-comfortable crowd? Head high, steady on, be confident, discerning, and respect yourself. Being your best self is a key element of atteactiveness. Don't get bogged down in the overly-familiar. You are worth it!