Dating at 39 after betrayal—has anyone else started feeling insecure about their age?

[Pinkdollymixx]

I came out of a long-term relationship early last year after my partner cheated on me with a woman I’d introduced him to. It felt like a double betrayal, and it hurt like hell.

Looking back, he would sometimes bring her up in conversation, usually to ask questions about her. Once, he commented that she was younger than me. I found it odd and irritating at the time, but I didn’t realise what was happening.

A few months ago, I met someone through work who was my age. Things started casually, but I ended up falling for him. Then he began pulling away. When I asked what had changed, he said he was “stepping to the side” but asked me not to ask him to explain. He also made comments to me (during our work relationship before it developed) that men in his culture generally didn’t date women their age but younger. My conclusion was that while he was happy to sleep with me, he wasn’t interested in dating someone my age even though we are the same age…

That left me hurt and confused.

These last few years weeks , I met a man on a dating app who was around eight years younger than me. We messaged for a while and connected over so many shared interests before eventually FaceTiming. Afterwards, he said he wanted to keep talking because we had so much in common, but he didn’t think our age gap would work romantically.

I’m 39, and these experiences have left me feeling deeply insecure about my age.

The comparison with the woman my ex cheated with, the rejection from someone my own age, and then being explicitly told I was too old for someone younger have started to feel like a pattern—even though the man my age never explained why he pulled away.

Before my long-term relationship, I’d never felt that my age was a barrier to dating. Now I’m anxious that it is, and I’m struggling with the fear that I won’t meet someone because I’m considered “too old.”

I am really down so please be kind.

39 is far from old but it will be a barrier for some people, particularly if they are thinking of starting a family longer term.
But ultimately you can't change it so let the ones it bothers weed themselves out.

Plenty of people don't meet their real person until their 50s or 60s or later. If it's love you are looking for then you can never be too old

I sympathise.

Mid - late 30s is a very difficult age for women because men our own age will write us off because they're trying to avoid a relationship where they feel pressure to settle down before they've comfortably gotten to know the woman, or feel rushed to have children. They also don't want to face the guilt of potentially breaking up with a woman who has spent the precious last few years of her fertility on being with him.

I also think that many men in their 30s are intent on getting a woman in her 20s, thinking that this will be their last chance and last decade where they can reasonably do that without it raising too many eyebrows, and without ageing out of desirability themselves. They're after a trophy - something they can show off to their mates like an expensive car, and the younger the woman, the more it increases their status amongst similarly minded men.

I am a man. Hopefully I am not intruding into your thread. I didn't meet my wife until we were both in our 40s. She was older than me. I loved her more than I can possibly describe until cancer took her. Apart from illness, I wouldn't change a second of it.

Don't lose hope OP, there is nothing wrong with you, or your age. Your person is out there somewhere for you. Try not to be put off by having met selfish pricks who don't appreciate you. It is their loss, not yours.

I think you’ve just had a run of bad luck tbh. I’m sure there will be plenty of men younger, older , same age that this won’t be a problem for . My last bf was pretty much exactly the same age as me… he had a dominatrix the whole time who was old enough to be his mother .

Oh my goodness 😳