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Original poster

Guilt about leaving marriage

9 replies

YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 20:15

My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years and share two young children.

Things have been mostly good over the years peppered with turbulent times (kids not aware) which involve him telling me some pretty significant lies. The latest incident being at the weekend just gone. He knows I value honesty above most things but doesn’t ever seem to take this on board. After saying “one more chance” the last couple of times this has happened, something snapped and I no longer want to be in the marriage. I’m making a really long story short here and some of the stuff I’ve put up with is really shit. Husband is aware I want to leave and has asked for a couple of days to process this. Fair enough.

What I’m really struggling with is the overwhelming guilt I feel every time I look at our children. On a day to day basis our family unit works well and they have a settled home life. But these lies are poisoning everything and I’m really unhappy. How to I reconcile tearing their lives apart to make mines better? I know that kids can be perfectly happy in split homes but thought of having to tell them is killing me. At the minute it’s the only thing making me consider staying in the marriage.

We are also due to go on a short UK break with his family and the kids and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll have to go as they are so looking forward to it and will hate it if I’m not there. But worried about keeping up appearances in front of his family and that it’ll make me change my mind due to the sad feelings it might stir up.

Ah, my heads a mess. Any advice on navigating separation with young kids would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Boreded · 13/10/2026 20:17

Nothing to add to the separation support but…please don’t feel guilt, you didn’t cause the marriage to end, you set boundaries which your husband failed to meet, and you chose to leave on the basis of his poor behaviour.

By staying you would risk teaching your children that they don’t deserve respect, but by leaving you will show them that you do deserve to make your own choices and you don’t have to put up with people who disrespect/lie to you regularly.

Stay strong.

Original poster
YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 20:22

Boreded · 13/10/2026 20:17

Nothing to add to the separation support but…please don’t feel guilt, you didn’t cause the marriage to end, you set boundaries which your husband failed to meet, and you chose to leave on the basis of his poor behaviour.

By staying you would risk teaching your children that they don’t deserve respect, but by leaving you will show them that you do deserve to make your own choices and you don’t have to put up with people who disrespect/lie to you regularly.

Stay strong.

Edited

Thank you for your quick response.

I always thought I’d never stand for this type of behaviour or let anyone disrespect me like that but here I am! I know I need to leave.

OP posts:
Boreded · 13/10/2026 20:27

YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 20:22

Thank you for your quick response.

I always thought I’d never stand for this type of behaviour or let anyone disrespect me like that but here I am! I know I need to leave.

Show quote history

You’ve got this! 💐

Wemustbetherebynow · 13/10/2026 20:29

I left my first marriage when I discovered a tissue of lies l had been told, some of them were even on things there was no point lying about. Once the trust and respect is gone, it’s gone. One person alone can’t make a marriage work, so please let go of the guilt. It’s inevitable your children will find it difficult initially, especially because you won’t be able to fully explain the reasons your marriage is done, however as they get older they will work out for themselves who can and who can’t be relied on. The most important thing is that they are able to feel security in the long term. I was a young adult when my parents split and it was like having the rug pulled from under me as there were new partners involved and I never felt I had a ‘home’ again until I made my own many years later. So I would say focus on making sure your children have a calm and loving home for as long as they need it. And don’t feel guilty.

Original poster
YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 20:44

Wemustbetherebynow · 13/10/2026 20:29

I left my first marriage when I discovered a tissue of lies l had been told, some of them were even on things there was no point lying about. Once the trust and respect is gone, it’s gone. One person alone can’t make a marriage work, so please let go of the guilt. It’s inevitable your children will find it difficult initially, especially because you won’t be able to fully explain the reasons your marriage is done, however as they get older they will work out for themselves who can and who can’t be relied on. The most important thing is that they are able to feel security in the long term. I was a young adult when my parents split and it was like having the rug pulled from under me as there were new partners involved and I never felt I had a ‘home’ again until I made my own many years later. So I would say focus on making sure your children have a calm and loving home for as long as they need it. And don’t feel guilty.

Thank you so much. He wants to try marriage counselling as he feels we owe it to the kids to “try everything we can before splitting”. As if it wasn’t his actions that made me feel this way. As you say - once the trust is gone, it’s gone. Don’t feel this is something counselling can fix.

Absolutely agree with the advice about giving the kids a stable, reliable home. That
is my absolute focus.

OP posts:
GirlFromNowhere · 13/10/2026 20:44

That’s his way of being able to make it your choice and not his actions

GirlFromNowhere · 13/10/2026 20:45

And with the holiday, there will always be a ‘thing’ to hang around for

Boreded · 13/10/2026 20:46

YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 20:44

Thank you so much. He wants to try marriage counselling as he feels we owe it to the kids to “try everything we can before splitting”. As if it wasn’t his actions that made me feel this way. As you say - once the trust is gone, it’s gone. Don’t feel this is something counselling can fix.

Absolutely agree with the advice about giving the kids a stable, reliable home. That
is my absolute focus.

Show quote history

If you want to work on it fine. But if you don’t then just remind him that he owed it to his kids to respect their mum

Original poster
YourWifeWatersFl0wers · 13/10/2026 21:45

GirlFromNowhere · 13/10/2026 20:45

And with the holiday, there will always be a ‘thing’ to hang around for

This is something I’m worried about. If I wait it out until the holiday I might just fall back in as
its easier. Then it will be Christmas.

OP posts:
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