I find his son rude

[DVLEh]

Just that really.

Essentially, my partners son talks over me a lot and doesn't allow me in the conversation. I find it so rude.

Partner doesn't see this happening and feeds it by responding to son every time, even if I've spoken/responded first.

For context,

Son is apple of partners eye - he's an only child, 16 years old. Partner has son 70% of the time.

I like son - he's a nice kid in general.

I have 2 adult children, so have parented through the teens.

Partner mollycoddles his son, but doesn't think he does. When I try to point it out, he listens, but doesn't act on it.

My friend's daughter is partners son's girlfriend. Friend raised with me how my partner and his ex wife both spoilt the lad. She thinks he's great.

We've been together 2 years. I don't really spend much time with the son, so when I do, being ignored and talked over in conversations really irks me. I understand it could be the son "staking his claim" on his dad's attention, but I want to address it with my partner as I'm fed up of being ignored and sidelined in conversations. I just find it so rude.

Any suggestions on how to address please without seeming like I'm being a princess?

If you’ve dealt with it for 2 years just deal with it for another 2 - then the son will be an adult/uni/not around as much?

I’d end the relationship as I don’t have any respect for parents who spoil their children. It shows a lack of backbone. He also is unable to resolve conflict. So, two unappealing traits. I’d rather be single.

I'd say it's the son essentially saying to you 'I'm more important than you', when he ignores and talks over you. He doesn't like the fact you're in his Dad's life and wants his Dad's full attention.

Talking over people and ignoring them is rude. There's zero excuse for a 16 year old to be that rude. The lad knows right from wrong. Unfortunately, I think you're on a hiding to nowhere with his Dad. If the lad is spoilt, mollycoddled and on such a high pedestal by both parents, then they will undoubtedly take his side. The lad knows this, which is why he behaves the way he does.

Yes, you should say something to his Dad. Something along the lines of 'James, X talks over me and ignores me, it's extremely rude behaviour. He doesn't have to like me or want me in your life, but politeness, is a basic manner. Please speak to him'. I can guarantee, your partner will either deny his son behaves this way or agrees he's rude and then does precisely nothing.

You need to think carefully going forward, if this type of behaviour is something you are willing to tolerate. It won't get any better, unless both parents, but especially your partner, is prepared to back you up and parent their son. If not, it's likely to become worse.

It's nothing to do with you how another person's child is dealt with. You chose to bring yours up your way and other parents partner or not can choose there way. Just because you don't like it that's your problem. You sound jealous tbh of a kid who actually has a good relationship with his father. Either way not your job to step in

More than that, he's allowing his son to be disrespectful to you. And he's there 70% of the time. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

16!! I thought this was going to be an excited 5-8 year old! It seems unlikely that he does this habitually to everyone; he's apparently not constantly interrupting his parents, girlfriend, or girlfriend's mum and I'd think that teachers, coaches, activity leaders, extended family, friends, etc. would have pointed out an obnoxious habit to him by now if it were frequent and consistent.

If you just want him to stop interrupting, take matters into your own hands and interrupt every interruption with "I'm not finished" or similar, then raise your voice as needed. If it's really important to you to persuade your partner to deal with this I think you may be fighting a losing battle. But if partner acknowledges that you probably have a legitimate complaint and just doesn't "see" it himself, can you work out a signal that will prompt him to intervene and correct his son?

Every time he interrupts just say ‘I’m still talking’ or a version of that.
You could be nice or not about it. Does he do it to other people?
I have to constantly remind myself not to (ADHD).

It doesn't sound like you like the son or your partner very much, and maybe with the son the feeling is mutual. You are very critical towards both of them. Clearly their relationship is a close one and they seem to like spending time together, and that's their dynamic. I think you should either see your partner when he doesn't have his son or break up with him. There is no point in you being around just to be annoyed or trying to change how they interact with each other when they were perfectly fine as they were. Either way, you can't force a 16 year old to be nice to you, and even if you could it wouldn't be sincere.

Deal with this yourself his dad clearly won't. Don't allow yourself to be talked over, point it out every single time.

This.

The father/son dynamic obviously won’t change.

If you want to continue in the relationship, see your DP when his DS isn’t there or politely speak up for yourself when he does it.

I don't see his son much @FaceIt . Partner has a line drawn in his head that when he has his son, he doesn't see me.

That's slowly softening on nights like last night where his mum couldn't have him on her days this week (not unusual) or when we're visiting his extended family. Or birthdays.

When we do cross paths, I always get the same treatment from son if it's the 3 of us. He doesn't speak over his extended family like he does me. He certainly doesn't speak over his girlfriend or his girlfriend's mum (my friend)

Interesting opinions so far. Thank you.

Of course OP is allowed to be annoyed and upset when her partner's son is being rude and disrespectful to her. Of course it's a problem for her. Why should the boy and his father having a good relationship preclude the boy from showing basic good manners to OP?

I'm sorry OP but if your partner refuses to do anything about his son's behaviour towards you he is enabling the disrespect and rudeness. I would think carefully about continuing your relationship with this man if he is obviously ok with seeing you disrespected.

Try excuse me I was talking..

There’s no excuse for him to be talking over you at 16 - such bad manners!

He doesn't like or accept you as his father's partner. I would ignore it. He will either come round to liking you eventually, or he won't.

Anything you try to do about this will be unhelpful, it just needs time.

Maybe approach it sideways and mention to your DP that perhaps his DS doesn't appear to realise that women are equals and should be given equal consideration; and that otherwise he might find himself struggling in the workplace if he starts treating a female boss with the sort of disdain he shows you.

Honestly I'd lose interest in the guy if his son treated me like that and wasn't pulled up on it. I couldn't be bothered being around a boy like that anyway, so would back off from the relationship pretty quickly.

'He doesn't speak over his extended family like he does me. He certainly doesn't speak over his girlfriend or his girlfriend's mum (my friend)'

It's not that.

I have zero patience for adults and children with poor manners, so I'd dump him promptly. I also have no respect for poor parenting, so ✌🏾.