I’m married, have three young children and I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant with our fourth.
I honestly don’t even know where to start. I’m at a point where I don’t want to be in my marriage anymore, and I’m seriously questioning whether I want to continue this pregnancy.
My husband spends practically all day, every day, outside socialising with his friends while I’m stuck indoors looking after our three children. The children can be screaming, crying and needing attention, and he’ll still be outside laughing and chatting while I’m left to deal with everything.
Whenever I bring it up or ask him to spend more time with us, I’m accused of being controlling. We’ve had the same arguments countless times, but nothing ever changes. He genuinely believes he’s doing nothing wrong.
We don’t spend quality time together, we don’t go anywhere as a couple, and we don’t even go to bed together anymore. We live under the same roof, but I feel like we’re living completely separate lives.
I feel so incredibly lonely in my own marriage. I’m slowly falling out of love with him, and I don’t think he realises just how close I am to giving up.
To make matters worse, I don’t have my driving licence yet. I’ve been learning to drive and recently failed my practical test. I have my own car sitting outside, but I can’t legally drive it alone. I’m struggling to find another test, and I feel completely trapped in the house because I rely on my husband for transport.
I can’t just take the children out for the day, visit family or go somewhere to clear my head. Meanwhile, he can come and go as he pleases.
I genuinely feel like I’ve lost my independence and my identity outside of being a mum.
The pregnancy has made everything even harder. I’m exhausted, constantly needing naps, and the thought of bringing another baby into this situation is overwhelming.
I never imagined I’d feel this way about a pregnancy, but I’m seriously considering a termination because I cannot face raising another child while feeling this unsupported.
I’m also frightened because I’ve previously experienced serious complications with miscarriages, and I’m worried about the medical side of ending the pregnancy.
The biggest problem is that I feel financially trapped.
We currently live in a privately rented property with both our names on the tenancy. I couldn’t afford the rent alone, and if we separated, I’d be happy for him to remain there while I found somewhere else with the children.
However, I have nowhere else to go, and I’m terrified that if I leave, the council will say I’ve made myself intentionally homeless and refuse to help.
I previously had priority banding for social housing, but my application was closed when we moved into our current home.
I’m trying to find out what help might be available before making any decisions, because I can’t risk leaving my children without a roof over their heads.
My husband doesn’t know I’m considering leaving. I haven’t told him because, realistically, what am I supposed to do afterwards? I’d still be stuck living in the same house with nowhere to go.
I don’t want to make decisions out of anger, but this has been building up for a very long time. I’m so unhappy, and I feel like I’m slowly losing myself.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to leave a marriage with children, no driving licence, limited finances and nowhere else to live?
Did the council help you find somewhere? Were you considered intentionally homeless because you chose to leave your relationship? How did you manage financially and practically?
And has anyone experienced feeling so unsupported in their marriage that it affected how they felt about continuing a pregnancy?
I’m not looking for judgement about my marriage or pregnancy. I’m just a mum who feels completely stuck and doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Any genuine advice or experiences would mean so much to me. ❤️