A few weeks ago a woman knocked on my door, handed me an envelope and said I need to read what was inside. She was his affair partner. She had written me a letter explaining everything. That she didn't know he was married at first, later down the line when feelings had already developed he told her that our marriage was dead and I think she truly believed this was an overlap situation. He told her he loved her. I don't hate her as I have friends who have met in situations like that, I'm aware life isn't black and white. She left her phone number and we had a brief phone call where I wanted to clear up some questions. She was very polite. In the envelope was also letters he'd written to her while we had been on holiday together. She also included screenshots where he says he loves her, she's different to everyone else and he feels like he bores me. There was also a message where she asked if he needed/wanted her to step back and he said "no not at all". If all this wasn't bad enough I also found out through her letter that a couple of years ago he took 12-18 months off work sick due to some disciplinary action. I did question her about this and what she says adds up. He told her I left for work before him, which I do, and he got home before me, which he did, so he just put his uniform in the wash bin. When she questioned him about the school holidays (as I work in a school) he told her he told me that he had banked up his annual leave, which is what he told me. She confirmed that they spent his birthday together and that was when they had their first kiss and she knew the name of the friend he had told me he'd gone with.
We've been together 37 years. He told her I got pregnant early and entrapped him but he was the one who persuaded me to come off the pill.
When I asked her why she told me now she said she had asked him if their relationship was building towards anything and his reply was something like "I've thought about leaving but all my stuffs tied up there and I'm happy to plod along". She said at that point she thought 'fuck him'. She didn't want to keep his secrets anymore. She didn't like feeling misled. She didn't like that his answer was selfish.
I don't know how to feel. I'm angry at them all and I can't stop crying. I don't want to hate anyone but I hate them both. I'm 63 and I feel it's too late to start again but how can I look at him now knowing what he did and what he's lied about. I just don't know where to begin or what the road ahead looks like. My worlds be turned upside now. I wish I never knew but also glad I know. I don't have anyone to speak to about this