How would you feel if your ex, who hasn’t seen the kids in 3 years, sent you a really long email like this?
I replied because I genuinely thought it must have taken a lot for him to put himself out there like that. It sounded quite vulnerable, and I felt a bit harsh ignoring it. We spoke for a while after that, he sent the odd text here and there, and he mentioned wanting to start sending money, saying he’d always wanted to and hoped I’d accept it. I agreed, he sent some and said he was going to send it every month.
Then one day he asked how the kids were, I replied, and that was literally it. I’ve not heard a thing since, and the money stopped too. It’s been over 2 months now.
I’m not bothered about the money, it’s more that I’m annoyed with myself for falling for it again and thinking maybe something had finally clicked and he’d had some sort of epiphany. I actually thought maybe he genuinely wanted to make an effort this time, and I feel stupid for even responding now.
I just can’t get my head around why someone would send such a long, emotional email after 3 years, apologising, saying they care about the kids and want to see them, talking about wanting a fresh start, only to disappear again after 2 months. What was the point? Why go to all that effort to open the door again if you’re just going to walk away from it?
I know nobody can say for certain what was going through his head, but I genuinely don’t understand this behaviour. How can you go 3 years without seeing your children, suddenly reappear with an email like that, give the impression that things might change, and then just disappear again as though none of it happened?
The email: (this isn’t the exact email ive summarised it to avoid being too identified)
I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m trying. When I was struggling with my mental health, I thought things were happening and that the kids were in danger because of me. I know I wasn’t always nice to you, and I’m sorry for how I treated you.
I wanted us to be friends and get along. That’s why I used to message you and wish you happy birthday. I wanted a fresh start and thought things could be different, but I was scared of going back to how I was before and didn’t want that happening around the kids. I also worried that you might be upset with me or that we’d end up arguing, so I kept my distance.
I know it’s been a long time, and I’m sorry. I never really knew how you felt about me, and I was scared of turning up or getting in touch in case things went wrong. I wasn’t trying to disrespect your space.
I do care about you and the kids, and I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. I’d really like to see the kids, but if you or they don’t want that, I understand. I’m not asking you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I just wanted you to know how I feel and give you my number and address in case you ever wanted to get in touch.
I’ve wanted to help financially for a long time, and when I get paid next month, I’d like to start sending you some money. Please accept it if you can. I’m genuinely sorry for everything, and I care about you and the kids very much, even if I haven’t always shown it properly.