Dating advice when you have older children

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How do you start dating again when you have teenagers? Is it just me, or does it feel more complicated with teens than it would with younger children? 😩
My kids have never known me to date or be with anyone, so they’re used to it just being us. I’ve been a single mum since they were babies, and I don’t think my teens would be particularly keen on the idea of me dating!
I do want to start putting myself out there, but I honestly don’t know how you go about it without them finding out straight away. I wouldn’t want to tell them I was dating until things were getting more serious, but equally, if I suddenly started going out in the evenings, they’d probably be suspicious as they’re not used to me going out and leaving them at home.
I suppose it’s easier when they’re younger and don’t really question what you’re doing, whereas teenagers are much more aware of everything!
How do other single parents manage this? I feel like I’m overthinking the whole thing, but I genuinely don’t know how to navigate it!

Why not tell them? It would be quite odd if they were not supportive, that’s more young kids, normally teens will be glad you’re making a life for yourself

Well I wouldn’t want to tell them im going on a date, I’d only want to tell them if it was going to be serious, do people only do that with younger kids then?

I don't talk to my son about the fact I am dating! He is 17. Why would he want or need to know? Nothing has turned serious yet. So it would be like sharing details of my personal life that would be involving him or something that has no impact on his life. I don't ever intend to move a man in. I wouldn't bring someone round unless the relationship was established and then I would tell him.

I am dating and my kids are 16 and 13 and we have a laugh swiping through the men on Tinder and each time I go on a date they phone me to check he’s not a serial killer …
It’s not like I’m planning to introduce them to a man or anything but it’s completely normal that I’m dating and they get that.

Thank you, was a bit confused by the first comment telling me to talk to them about it not going to lie 🫣

I’m confused why you wouldn’t, as by the time it gets serious you need to sit them down and say I’ve been lying to you and dating someone.

It’s not lying? Not what I would consider lying anyway

Sorry I mean when you go out, isn’t that lying? But I get the point you don’t wish them to know. The point remains it’s a totally normal thing to do,

And having a relationship and pretending you’re single you’d not consider that lying?

If parents want to talk to their kids about their dating, absolutely fine.

But parents are also entitled to a private life, and there are so many false starts with modern dating that I think doing it without an audience in the early stages has something going for it.

I just tell my son I am meeting a friend when I go out. He doesn't care, or want to know who I am meeting anyway. If something becomes a relationship (and the chances can be slim these days) of course telling your kid would be appropriate.

Because if you’re telling the kids you are at a club or out with friends when you are actually on a date, you are lying to them. Then when you’d like to tell them about him because it’s getting serious how do you explain him?

Just tell them. You’re going on a date. That’s all you need to say.

You've only got 2 options really.

Either tell them, or lie.

I'd just tell them, soon enough they'll be dating themselves anyway.

I'm in this position and only tell them if it is turning into something 😁

I think you know best how to handle it, you know your kids xxx

I think im going to go with saying it’s a friend as thats what it would be until it’s going somewhere thanks

Thanks

It gives them no time to get used to the idea though, one min your single and only seeing friends, next you’re hitting with I’m in a serious relationship?

I am not planning to move him in, I would just say I’ve met someone (when we are in a relationship) early days of dating isnt really a relationship

I think there are a bunch of stages between single and serious, and I am sure the OP will be able to identify the right stage for her and her circumstances. There is no right and wrong here, only what's right for our own families.

I have a perspective from the other side. I knew too much about my mum's dating life as a teen, and I hated it (even though I felt grown up at being included). What I would never have admitted was that I needed to know my mum was focused on me, and didn't feel that was always the case.

Another vote for team "Tell them" here.

I really don't see why you wouldn't. Gives them the opportunity to get used to the idea, and means you don't have to lie to them or omit things and get tied up with secrets.

Teenagers aren't idiots, they'll figure out something's going on and that you're hiding something from them.

And more importantly, they're likely going to be dating themselves sooner rather than later. Better that it's a topic they can talk about with you, rather than have them learn from you that they should hide it.

They are young teens, think some people are imagining older teens. It comes in waves doesn’t it surely it’s not going to be I’ve got a new bf and you are meeting him tomorrow, after telling them it would still be a while before they met, I just wouldn’t be telling them im going on dates or sleeping with someone as thats what it would be till things were going somewhere

I’ll tell you my situation. Take from it what you will.

i was single for 22 years. Since I was 7mths pregnant on my ds. Dd was 4.5yrs. I had no intention of meeting anyone. In June of 2024 I joined a pool & by July had got talking to a guy there. We got friendly but that’s all it was. In all this I told my kids about the new friend I had made at the pool. They knew about him & how we’d walk up & down the pool together. By December we had our first date. It was just a coffee. I told the kids it was happening. I totally agree with young kids not needing to know but mine are both adults & I felt deceitful not telling them. Don’t get me wrong, it was a long time before they met him, but they knew where I was going all the time. Even though I didn’t know then if it would be serious. As it turned out, it was serious & we are still together. The kids have met him a good few times & like him but they know he’s not moving in nor am I moving in with him so it’s all quite relaxed.

i will be online dating so I think that makes it a little different? As I will probably be meeting quite a few guys to begin with. If we met in person I would probably feel differently I think

Told my kids when I was dating, and what I was up to. For me it builds 2 way trust so hopefully less likely to lie to me in the future

I still haven’t really decided. they are young teens and actually funnily enough find the thought of anyone dating “gross and cringe” 😅

Depends on age, my dd2 set up my profile, she wanted to vet any potential dates. Dd1 met dh after 3 dates and said (later) he’ll do, that’s praise