Is this man relationship material for me at this time in my life?

[Sunnyday55]

I’m in my mid-50s and recently met a man a couple of years younger than me at a singles event. We had a date yesterday and I really enjoyed being with him. He’s the first man I’ve felt both physically attracted to and emotionally comfortable with for many years.
I left an abusive relationship five years ago and have built a peaceful, financially independent life. I raised my daughter largely as a single mother, built and sold a successful business, have a home in London that I love, work less now and have a very close relationship with my adult daughter.
The thing giving me pause is his history. He has a 22-year-old daughter whom he has no relationship with. He says her mother had severe bipolar disorder, became pregnant after they had known each other for about a month, and subsequently made contact with his daughter very difficult. He has always paid maintenance, but from what I understood he did not really pursue a relationship with his daughter and has made no attempt to contact her now that she is an adult. He says her mother has “poisoned her against him.”
I find this difficult because my daughter is my world. I understand that parental alienation and very difficult family circumstances exist, but I struggle with the idea of having a child somewhere in the world and apparently not trying to know her. If I see him again I’d be curious to know whether he ever looks her up, wonders what she is like, or has considered contacting her.
I also noticed that most of his previous relationships are described through the other woman having significant problems. One genuinely had bipolar disorder, a therapist apparently suggested another might have BPD, and another former partner was very critical of his relationship with his mother. He is an only child, lives near his 79-year-old mother and spends quite a lot of time helping her. More than one partner seems to have found this difficult and also questioned if is manipulating him.
He himself is easy to be around, thoughtful, attractive, pays his way, works hard and seems caring. I felt warm and comfortable with him. I’m not getting an obvious bad feeling from him, but I did wonder whether there is a pattern of him feeling that difficult women and circumstances have happened to him, without much reflection on his own part.
There is also a lifestyle question. He lives about an hour outside London, travels frequently for work and seems rooted near his mother. I don’t want to move there and I don’t want somebody eventually moving into my London home either.
I’ve realised I do want a relationship and quite a lot of togetherness, but I want to keep my autonomy. Ideally I’d like a man who already has a secure, enjoyable and expansive life of his own, his own home, interests, financial independence and desire to travel. I’d love to spend time together, travel for weeks, take my dog, stay at each other’s homes and have real intimacy, without becoming somebody’s emotional, practical or financial support system.
I’ve spent too much of my life helping men and staying in relationships far longer than I should have. I don’t want to repeat that.
Would you go on another date and keep observing, or do the daughter situation, relationship pattern and possible lifestyle mismatch sound significant enough that you would leave it here?

I don't know. Just get to know him and see how it goes, don't pin too much on such a new relationship, there are other fish in the sea.

I didn’t need to read after he has not tried to have a relationship with his daughter.

no, just no

So you’ve had one date ?

Go on dates but stay single.

You’ve only one date and it’s thrown up all these thoughts and concerns. You’re right to question why he hasn’t persued a relationship with his daughter. A good man would never give up. Blaming all the women for the breakdown in his past relationships is also a massive red flag. He sounds a bad egg. I wouldn’t bother with another date.

Yes, only one extra date after the event, but several hours together and I’m just wondering if for me and my values him having a daughter Daughter and not reaching out to her is a dealbreaker for me, and also yes a potential future with him would probably look like us travelling to and from each other for the occasional day or evening, in between him working away for weeks at a time.

Not being in contact with children is a red flag. Notice how his explanation appeared measured but actually put the blame on the child's mother.

For me, working away for weeks at a time would not make him a good bet, and if you live a distance apart that's a further complication.

She's turned the weans against us!

He could be telling the truth, it's definitely within the scope of a parent with mental health problems. It could also be a convenient story someone tells themselves to absolve themselves of responsibility and a sense of failure.

There's no way to tell at this point. If you like him, get to know him. You'll probably work it out fairly quickly.

I wouldn’t, firstly because of his daughter, and secondly, if he blames most of his exes for one reason of another, he’s unlikely to take any accountability for his own behavior or be that emotionally intelligent.

You've had one date. He is still a stranger and the things you said about him are enough red flags to say no to this.

@Sunnyday55 I don't think you know enough yet. There are a lot of positives, - "He himself is easy to be around, thoughtful, attractive, pays his way, works hard and seems caring. I felt warm and comfortable with him" plus you find him physically attractive - and then there some possible negatives.

It may well be true that the daughter wants nothing to do with him, due to what her mother's told her. Or maybe there's a step-father who the daughter regards as her 'real' father? Or has the daughter tried to contact him, and he's rejected her? We don't know. It's a positive sign that he paid child maintenance, assuming that's true. I don't think it's necessarily a bad sign that he doesn't feel a connection with a child he's never met, and who was born as a consequence of a very short-term relationship. It's not the same as being a mother.

As for the reasons for previous relationship break-ups, he's not doing the red-flag thing where a man says the ex was 'crazy' or similar. He's saying two had bi-polar issues, and two were critical of his close relationship with his mother.

The latter isn't him saying these woman had 'significant problems' - it was just a mismatch because they didn't like him spending time caring for his mother, and I can see that would be a deal breaker, one both sides, if he cares a lot about his mother, and can't just turn that off. I think this may best explain why he's still single, that he feels he has a duty/responsibility to look after his elderly mother, so maybe partners don't always come first.

Quite possibly he has never reflected on this, as you say. An awful lot of people don't reflect. He sounds gentle.

The lifestyle question. You don't want him moving in with you, and you want autonomy. I don't see a mismatch here. He has his own place, lives an hour away, - on the surface, it sounds ideal to me (I say this as someone who also doesn't like 'domestic' relationships).

In your shoes, I'd at least go on a few more dates and find out more. I think you're maybe over-reflecting this soon, when I can see no glaring red-flags.

That's a lot after one date. He seems to have told you his life story in quite intricate detail.
It sounds like you're looking for a boyfriend rather than a partner, you enjoyed his company, I'd see him again on that basis.