Paper divorce no solicitors??

[theinbetween]

Husband wants to leave and start a new life back in his hometown / possible abroad with work, now the kids are older (at uni and one in 6th form) I'm ok with it but so worried about my daughter she will be utterly devastated.
So firstly, does anyone have experience of doing a paper divorce without solicitors? We are totally broke and don't to make it worse with solicitor costs. I think we can agree, and be amicable. He says he will give me the house, pay mortgage, and give me an allowance. I gave up everything for the children, only have a very part time job. I also had to sell my flat I had when single, cash in my pension recently, and use my endowment money and inheritance to bail is out as he has been so in and out of jobs for so long, it's been a struggle to stay afloat.
I'm also very worried about my DD who will be absolutely devastated. We were just settled on him going away and working abroad, and just living separately, and not making it formal, but he seems to want to break away.
Does anyone think it possible to do this in secret and tell people you are divorced?
Thank you to anyone who can help advise.

If you’re both broke why on earth would you trust he’ll keep paying the mortgage, especially from abroad?

Do all you can to see a solicitor.

You know he’s not going to pay the mortgage and give you an allowance once he’s gone don’t you ?????
Go and consult with a solicitor and do it properly or you and your children could be out on the streets.
he sounds unreliable and as if he just wants to start afresh. Im sure household bills won’t be top of his agenda once he swans off

He doesn’t sound like someone you can rely on to do the right thing. Make sure you seek professional opinion even if it’s only one session with a solicitor

Thanks guys, I appreciate your replies.
I understand we need something legally binding.
I believe you can do a consent order, which is legally binding, so think that's what we were going to look at. I agree he's not reliable as can't do office jobs, but he's got a lot of things in the pipeline as start up projects and it's looking like at least one will come to fruition soonish, so he should stay to earn decently again..

Don’t try to do this on your own!

What he is proposing is not going to work. You need to get a clean break settlement that includes ALL assets - including pensions. The latter can be more valuable than home equity!

Gather all financial documentation and see a family solicitor. Even a one-time consultation plus a follow-up will be worth the money.

Don’t let him fleece you with big promises…

This doesn't sound great for you but what about your kids?
Just because they are older doesn't make their parents splitting like this any easier to deal with, in fact, in some ways it can be harder.
It sounds very much like your DH is planning to run away, sort himself out and leave you to pick up the pieces!

Is he planning to keep in contact with his kids and see them still?

I wouldn't be happy with this myself, it seems very weighted towards him and like you have already sacrificed enough for his benefit.
Think long and hard and get good advice before agreeing to any of this.

What about pensions?

If you can agree about children finances then it can be done on line on gov.uk, think she paid £500.00. My daughter completed this recently and as a result as remarried.
Her ex never provided any financial support in their separation in 10 years FWIW

You can do the majority of the paperwork yourself and just get the final consent order done by the solicitor £500

as an aside with a child in 6th form and one left home there really is no excuse not to have worked for the last decade and put yourself in a better independent financially position especially if he has periods of unemployment- highly unlikely that he would feel obliged to continue a non legal agreement to pay your costs. He is under no obligation to pay your mortgage or an allowance whatsoever once he has left

it is possible to do it on your own.
we did 100%
form d81 and consent order

HOWEVER- we earned similar, had always had full transparency of finances, were both high earners etc etc so we simply agreed to sell house and split 50:50 and keep our own pensions

you need at least legal advice to help you work out what a fair outcome for you could look like.

what currently are you expecting ? Because it’s unlikely he won’t be expected to pay the mortgage or spousal or child maintenance ( as child in 6th form) and you’ll be expected to support yourself . Do you even know what assets there are ? And even though he says he’ll pay - for how long ??? You would be completely at his mercy

Oh and I guarantee he won’t ’give you the house’ and an allowance etc / unless it’s mortgage free the mortgage company won’t even allow him to come off the mortgage.
and a judge would be unlikely to sign a consent order handing you 100% of assets - so what else is there that he’s keeping …..

Only assets now are the house which we have decent equity in.
I used to have a flat, and a pension (not a big one) and an endowment that paid out a few years ago, and a small inheritance. (I also put some a big chunk on the house when we bought it) So I have contributed massively, and I do have a part time job.
It's all gone unfortunately as we have been so unstable financially.
I will not trust his word of course not, will be getting it drawn up and legally binding. I don't want to go down the the court / solicitors option because I'm sure I will get less than he is offering

Thanks for all the comments and advice everyone much appreciated.

Even with all the legal documents in the world, you won’t be able to enforce this if he 1) can’t afford it and 2) is abroad.

He couldn’t pay your mortgage while you were together it sounds like, hence you cashing in all your investments. How on earth do you think he’ll be able to support himself, and pay your mortgage and pay you an allowance?!

You need to assume this isn’t going to happen and work out how you live without his financial support - and if you do get anything, use that to rebuild your retirement fund not to fund day to day spending.

This. In spades. You say it’s been a struggle to stay afloat and you also go into detail about what you had to contribute and to give up for this marriage. So there’s a financial history that matters to you when you’re thinking of fairness, that you must acknowledge to yourself that you want recompense for.

Watch out or he’ll just be skipping off abroad.

You need to think about how you will live completely financially independently from him. Which may involve selling the house, downsizing and likely working full time ( I don’t really under why you don’t currently )

divorce should sever financial reliance