I have been with my partner for almost 8 years. I was only just turning 19 when I moved in with him- he is 13 years older than me. Now I am 26 and he’s 39. The age difference has never been an issue or concern. I moved into his home, then we fell pregnant and we moved into a rented property together (both on the tenancy), then into a 2nd rented property together. Since our first born, things have gotten progressively harder. Which is obvious, kids are stressful. However, his temper is absolutely not acceptable. He will lose his mind over the most minor things, so you can imagine when something really annoys him, it gets even worse. Never physical. Always verbal, shouting, swearing, name calling. I think he has called me every name under the sun. Now I just need to say that I’m no Mrs perfect but I have always done my best to be fair, work hard etc. we split everything 50/50 for quite a lot of years and then I’d probably say around 3-4 years ago, I took on a part time degree (for my desired career path) and that meant I couldn’t work as much but he earns enough and was happy to cover the shortfall. Then we decided we wanted a 2nd child, well he came along in 2025 and he nearly drove me insane. He cried from the second we brought him home all day and all night and now he’s 19 months old he’s just starting to improve slightly. Still doesn’t sleep. Anyway, if your still reading thank you. When he was 4 months old, I fell pregnant- pretty stupidly but my partner refuses to wear condoms and I didn’t want to go on hormonal contraception anyway we wasn’t having sex much so I didn’t really see this happening but it did. I decided to keep the baby, we love our children more than Anything. And oh that 3rd baby has shown me a love I didn’t know, she’s 8 months and I am obsessed with her. When I fell pregnant that 3rd time I sat down and I said to my partner I understand this is a big thing , it’s going to be very hard and very full on for both of us. For example, you won’t be able to go on your lads holidays for a while, you’ll need to be home more to support me and the two babies. And it was all yes yes definitely will do. I mentioned abortion he was not in favour of that idea, neither was I. We wanted the baby, but we knew it would be very tough. Anyway, his temper, it’s out of control. Detail: we moved from our rental property into a new home, the home was talked about, chosen by us both etc but I can’t get a mortgage due to bad credit history and unemployed (stay at home with the 2 babies) so the new home is in HIS name only.
His responsibly at night is to put to bed our difficult 19 month old, as I was until recently breastfeeding my 8 month old and it worked that way. I have heard him say “LIE DOWN” sort of shouting and I think is that necessary? But then when I try to get him to bed myself if partner is away etc I realise it’s really challenging so I can sort of understand. But then recently, I’ve heard “SHUT up crying you stupid kid. “ now, am I right in thinking this is absolutely disgusting behaviour speaking to a 1 year old like that. I mention it and I get told “ shut the fuck up” . I’m so sick of it, I’ve been sick of it for over 12 months now. Last year I applied for a council house . He made it very clear he will never leave this house. He’d rather live unhappy. Council say I have to accept a hostel or women’s shelter until something permanent becomes available. So I’m expected to take 3 young children out of my son’s school area, to get away from my partners disgusting temper whilst he sits in our 4 bedroom house on his own. I’ve told him I want to leave he says Go! Sometimes if I catch him in the right mood he says obviously I don’t want you to go blah blah blah. Might be worth noting he was diagnosed with adhd as a child and we know he definitely struggles with alot of symptoms. But I’m personally of the view that this situation is not a symptom of his adhd but him being an absolute arsehole. He would always “look after us” financially I know that, but he won’t leave our home. It’s me expected to with the 3 kids, feels unfair, don’t think I have the courage to actually do it and go into a crappy hostel or whatnot. But if I don’t, I’m going to be spending my life unhappy with this horrible man. Unsure on what to do next to be honest, I’ve been “waiting it out” to hope for a change / improvement on his temper for too long now. Starting to think it’s never going to get better. Maybe once kids are all grown up, but then they’re affected by it and I’m a horrible mother for forcing them to grow up listening to it. I grew up with it, and I can’t say it’s not affected me. It has. All I’m thinking now is accept a hostel but don’t actually stay there (will anyone check??) then hope permanent housing comes up soon. No I can’t get private rent as I don’t have a job, and bad credit history. Can’t get a job because any normal job wouldn’t cover 2 babies nursery fees.