Does your relationship/marriage bring you peace

[Brunolarge]

Hi everyone
my marriage is going through a really rocky patch at the minute and it’s left me wondering if anyone’s marriage or relationship brings them peace

that’s what I am craving and wondering when trying to make a decision on whether to leave my marriage.

do you only ever get true peace if your single and not having to cater or put a partners needs first

Yes it does - my life is immeasurably better with DH in it. We are both quite chilled people which helps and financially comfortable so rarely argue or disagree. When we do it tends to be from tiredness/grouchiness rather than big disagreements - I would say we are both kind and respectful and it is usually me who has to apologise for being irritable for no good reason (certain times of the month!)
Peace is an unusual term to use when looking at a relationship but actually it works - I met him in my early 30s after some rather wild living and it is peaceful and comfortable in a positive (not dull) way.
i don’t have to put DH needs first as you say in your post, but neither do my needs go first - in a good marriage I think both people think about, and consider, the other and there is a ‘swings and roundabouts’ scenario where we both support the other.
i am no expert but I think you need to consider what is causing the rocky patch and whether you respect one another underneath the disagreements or whether there is disdain - I’m not sure you can come back from the latter. Sometimes one person will need more support but it shouldn’t all be one sided

thank you. I love him more than I ever thought possible but our blended family just isn’t working anymore I feel like I give a lot more constantly on high alert and worrying about upsetting or angering him.
I am sad as I married for life but I am deeply unhappy most of the time. I don’t want to always live on the edge it’s affecting my sleep, my personality and my overall wellness.

You can live part without divorcing. You mention blended family, would it be better to live apart until kids are older?

Why are you walking on eggshells around him? He should add value OP
If he doesn’t you have a decision to make.

If we were to live apart it would be the end. I don’t see any value just heart ache and stress. I always feel so tense when he’s home. I’m on edge all the time and it’s been like that a while.

Why do you love him when he makes you feel like shit?

I’m so at peace living alone. I’m far better suited to a single life.

As much as it pains me to say it, I feel happier, more secure and yes, more peaceful since getting married.

I was anti-marriage until very recently, but then became an accidental spouse when I was forced to get married to stay in my adopted country (ie visa reasons).

My ‘married woman era’ has been great so far. 😁

Yes my DH absolutely brings me peace.

If you’re walking on eggshells all the time it sounds like he is abusive.

Yes peace is a nice way of putting it actually. We have a very calm and supportive relationship, I feel safe with him and he brings nothing but value to my life. I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer and he is being my rock, I can’t imagine going through this on my own (I expect it would be much harder going through it in a unhappy marriage rather than being single though, don’t settle!)

Yes, he’s my rock, my safe space, and my comfort blanket. I sleep better with him at my side, and feel happier and calmer when we’re together.

When you mentioned blended family I understood. I don’t think I could think up a more perfect dh than mine and being around him brings me more than peace.. I love and appreciate every day with him.

Here’s the But.. his adult children have always resented me and my children and have caused huge problems for us. Does this sound familiar?

My husband does. We have a peaceful relationship (that sounds boring but we also have a lot of fun and laughter together). We very rarely argue and usually agree on what we want to do. We’re lucky not to have health or financial issues. I prefer to spend time with him over anyone else and if I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with life then just him giving me a hug or speaking to him on the phone literally lowers my blood pressure.

Yes. I know DH has my back no matter what. He is a rock for my close and extended family. How or why he puts up with me I’ll never know. i live a very busy and demanding life and he brings the calm. I know that I am very lucky.

Yes, my life is easier and more peaceful with DH. Even when we disagree, I know I've always got someone on my team.

Minus the “quite chilled” bit and the fact that I’m married to a woman, I could have written this myself. Life isn’t perfect but I feel deeply peaceful in my marriage.

Very at peace living single life with my ds. No men... its bliss. Married life's horrendous. Just leave. J

Mine brings me comfort, peace, fun, reassurance and joy. Sometimes (when my husband is upset or annoyed) it is not peaceful, but the other peaceful times and the upsides substantially outweigh this.

You have to be fundamentally very compatible, self aware and a good communicator for marriage to work well, I think. I was single for many years before meeting my husband comparatively late and married life beats single life hands down when it works. Otherwise I’d 100% rather be single. I had a “meh” relationship before my husband and it was a great relief to break up with him.

Christ no. I absolutely hate my life as a married woman but I’m stuck. I’d give anything to be able that be single and have a life either chaotic or peaceful, just not with him.

My marriage was NOT peaceful.

Holes in the walls, curtain rails ripped down, all manner of items chucked around, smashed - so many horrific violent outbursts (him, not me).

None of the men I have had a relationship with have brought me peace, so I no longer bother with them.

I now have peace.

OP. Life is fucking short. Staying with someone who makes you feel as you have described is self-abandonment. Don't do that; there's no joy to be found, and certainly no peace. 💐

I would say 70% peaceful, 20% mild irritation, 10% severe blow ups. Maybe not quite those % but you get the gist.

It’s not perfect but we love each other and when we work as a team we are great. Money worry makes us argue so hanging out for a lottery win!

OP, you shouldn’t feel tense and on edge. That’s how I felt with my ex - note the ex. Current DH really does bring me peace. I certainly wouldn’t want a single life - I’m just always pleased when I get home and he’s there.

i feel on edge and on high alert when my son is home, my dh acts differently and not very nice. Dinner times are not enjoyable I can feel there is an atmosphere and my dh glares at my son from across the table. My son is 15 and after talking with him he understands I am not happy and he said he just wants me to be happy and if that means moving out then he’s on with that. For my son to say that was a huge relief. I just want to be happy and thriving again and not always waiting for the next mood swing or drama or to be ignored in my own home.

I don’t think it’s blended families I think it’s your DH. We have a blended family and I won’t deny it brings a lot of stresses that I sometimes wish didn’t exist (not the kids but the nonsense that goes with two homes and parallel parenting because their mother hates my DH for leaving her and being happy - no we did not have an affair FYI). My DH however is a calm person and counters my stormy nature, he brings me great peace as well as fun and laughter and is the reason why our blended family works despite the stress.

Always put the needs of yourself and your children first in these situations.

My marriage doesn’t bring me peace or happiness but for now I’m stuck.