Looking for some advice as this has made me quite sad and hurt.
I'm 29F. Working full time in a big city in UK. Have my own place, a good partner, good family/ lifestyle/ hobbies/ good network. I have 10 years and 5 years in 2 metropolitan cities too. Life is exciting and full of wonderful people and experience.
During my 4 years of uni, I met 5 friends - A,B,C,D, E. E moved back to America after graduation. D- I am less close with. I would say A and B were the closest to me. Uni was fairly smooth sailing.
In 2023, I secured a good job at a good location, and shortly after A and B followed me here. I provided them some useful materials for interviews. B even bought a place here, which during the property purchase, I helped her overcome a tricky stage. I also helped her sign off part of her chartership for her career.
This year 2026, A and B both started acting strange, they would meet up themselves, not invite me- but I didn't think much of it. I am more action than verbal affirmation. In my head, I didn't think anything was wrong. Then shortly after, A and B both listed out a long list of issues they had with me. Themes they noted were:
- I pushed them away during a difficult family bereavement. B said she was really worried about and it didn't make her feel good (I had a lot on my plate, family issues, funeral arrangements, I had to keep up with my own hobbies/ exercise, busy work schedule, partner, other friends so I admit I was rather quiet at that time but was looking after myself).
- I bad-mouthed A one time (which I admitted I did, but imo I was ranting/complaining about her, which could be interpreted as badmouthing her. I reflected on it and apologized)
- That I wasn't myself during family bereavement
- That I told her what to wear at a friend gathering (imo I didn't, everyone was looking at outfits and we all contributed with opinions if this top was cute or not. At the time, if she didn't feel comfortable, she should have told me, but she didn't, she joined in on the conversation and was laughing and smiling)
- That I was not appreciative of one favour A tried to help me (the favour/help failed. Anyway, I also apologised)
I immediately apologised and reflected on them. I apologised to both of them, but it didn't seem like they gave much of a response after that. By the way, I also have things that I am annoyed about, but everyone is their own person/ personality, I don't feel like I need to point anything (minor) out.
Just to provide a bit of background on A and B...
- A - from a complicated family. Father left when young, estranged. Mother affected by this and A and her mother relationship is rocky. A is in UK, rest of her family is overseas. She lived with C for awhile as flatmates but during it had a very rocky living situation. A and C would have long passive aggressive texts (texts appeared quite toxic) even when both physically the house. House chores arguments would turn sour and words like 'you hurt me', 'makes me feel uncomfortable' would be exchanged. C ended up ''leaving'' the friend group silently. A would also badmouth C at friend group outings all the time and show us all these texts.
- A seems like an insecure person.
- Few months ago, A and B didn't invite me to ice cream. They both went together without me and during it met a guy. A tried to set B up with him. A and B went for drinks together the following day, then B went to his flat alone after 1 week. The guy ended up maybe having a girlfriend following an anonymous account telling B . Knowing this, A and B stalked his social media photos and located the girlfriend in one random photo. Idk the full details, but A and B tried calling the account, but then another account kept adding them and bothering them. Some strange nasty text from one of the accounts (sorry if it doesn't make sense, idk ins and outs). This of course made B uncomfortable which she later told me at a coffee sit down. To me, this is dangerous and risky and told her to avoid the completely and report to police if feels uncomfortable.
- A has a long term bf, not sure if the bf puts much effort in this relationship. They have broken up multiple times (5-10 times) in the last 5 years- common themes: childish behaviour, silent treatment, ultimatums to bf, A talking about her feelings in a loop, crying at work, being off work from being so heartbroken. Basically: Break up, get back together, repeat.
After everything thats happened...
I saw A on the street one time, she pretended she didn't see me. I went up to say hi.
I saw A at a work meeting this week, seat next to me was empty. She was late to the meeting, and when she came in, she even pondered over this empty seat next to me and decided to sit somewhere else by more maneuvering.
I would see A and B leaving work and walking home together. If the pass me, they would stop to say hi.
These gestures made me quite sad. I do feel very excluded. Luckily I have a good partner and a good family. They encouraged me to not think too much into this and move on.
What's everyone thoughts on this? Am I imagining this?