Partner left us this evening. How do you cope alone when you're ill?

[RealLifeClanger]

Currently battling an awful virus and I have multiple chronic illnesses. Partner picked today to tell me how much he hates me and has left. It has been brewing for ages as we've not been getting on and he resents me for being ill a lot. I don't know how I'll cope on my own with 2 children with additional needs.

I’m sorry to hear this. I did not want to read and run, I think you need to get support in ASAP.., I am not sure if you can call the doctor and your children’s school to see what care and help they can offer. Or social services as you are vulnerable and children need care. Do you have any good neighbours or family around to help. Sending you a big hug xx

Thank you. Support network is v small, almost non existent really. I'm terrified something will happen to me and I'll be on my own with my children. I'm not sure what support is available but will do some investigation when I can think properly.

God I'm so sorry. I wish I had some great advice for you, but all I can do is send a hug xx

Also if you have a few chronic illnesses do they have support groups or charities you can reach out to? Do you think your husband is gone gone? Has he ever done that before.
happy to be a listening ear to you x

Are they his children?

Call social services children with disabilities team tomorrow speak to duty social worker.ask for urgent assessment of needs
Also speak to school safeguarding lead as they wil know who to refer to

I mean your relationship sounds toxic and neither of you seem to enjoy it, but if they are his kids text him to ask what 3 or 4 days each week he wants to have the kids over. 50/50! Sick of men thinking they can just walk out on their children.

I'm afraid to contact social services in case they speak to my ex and he lies to them. I'm not on pip or anything yet so maybe I could try that first. I feel like I will be judged if I contact SS. One of my conditions is CFS so it's hard to keep on top of things around the house.

let him take a running fuck to himself, a rotten man is 100x worse than no man, i’ve always said unless i meet a very loving patient kind man i would rather be on my own. i’m 99.9% sure there will be a charity/support group near you either for illness or general upsetting circumstances, i have chronic illnesses too and my heart goes out to you, would it be possible for you to say roughly what area (not full address or anything, don’t worry) so we can try to connect you to a help centre, womens aid are also an option.

Anyone that 100% hasn’t got your back isn’t worth having @RealLifeClanger
its scary now but you will be fine and navigate round this and become a stronger person.

reach out and network and build up some good friendships where you all help each other ❤️

@RealLifeClanger the fact you are worried yoiur husband will lie to social services is a sign of a woman that’s being abused in a relationship. Is this true? Because if there is, there are a lot more things I can recommend to get you some help. I hope you are feeling a bit better today from the virus x

Why do you think they will take his word over yours?
SS are there to help you and your children and they are not in a habit of making decisions without an assessment.
PIP can take months to come through and receiving it has no bearing on SS involvement.
You need help right now.

@AnonAnonmystery if this is the poster I think it is, then yes she was in an abusive relationship.

I have similar health issues. First of all, don’t panic. Your automatic thought it what happens if I get worse and I’m alone?
The fact is your conditions are worsening because he is there. Your fight or flight response is personally on all the time wearing down your physical and mental defences.
It is absolutely horrendous when a woman who is disabled is abused because they are left with this dilemma.
From my experience the first thing you need to do is speak you your GP as soon as possible.
Stop worrying about what he will say or not say. I know you are conditioned to, but it’s time to start being your own advocate. There is a power in that.
Your GP will believe you and help because it’s not just about your illnesses it’s about abuse.
Let the shame change sides.
You need help and support now but you have to ask for it and your GP is the central point.
Having him out of the house, not abusing you and causing you less stress will see your health improve. It’s not a cure for what you have, but it will make a huge difference.
And again, fuck him. I’m glad he’s gone. He’s a shit human being.
You can do this. Put yourself first and make an appointment. Do that one thing and it will be the first step to changing your life.

Hi OP, please do reach out for some help to your GP and social services. They are not going to judge you. They can arrange a care needs assessment and hopefully put in place some support for you. You will probably find that not having an abusive partner in your house will mean you'll actually feel better, it sounds like your conditions are exacerbated by stress.

By reaching out you show you putting dc first. Forget your ex
And you need ss as they are gatekeepers to funded support
Unless you have access to a trust fund to pay privately for household help etc

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, he was emotionally abusive and intimidating. I do feel lighter already as he's not in the house. Obviously I'll still have to deal with him for some years yet, our youngest is 10, but I'm relieved I don't have to live with him anymore. I just hope I can keep on top of things. Although there will be much less to do as his crap won't be all over the place anymore. I think I will see how I get on this month and go from there. I sometimes feel like my illnesses are invalid as they are invisible illnesses (well, apart from the vitiligo 🙄) so that stops me from asking for help. Unfortunately my family aren't exactly big on helping either so I've just given up asking as I'm always met with excuses.

I'm so sorry. That's awful of him. Remember, if they don't care for you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best. I hope you have some friends or family who can help you.