Can anyone please give me advice asap

[needseriousadvicee]

I’m in Scotland for context.

Think marriage has broken down, h has just walked out. I’m a SAHM, I have 2 dc from prior relationship and H and I have a baby. I have money in savings that I probably could access (need to check t&c’s but it’d take me over UC threshold (I have about £19k). That’s all I have. We got married two years ago and I’m not on the house. I have no income so I can’t sign a lease even with 12 months upfront (I don’t have that anyway but regardless). Where do I go? I have no family. I am from the UK but not here, but I don’t have family anywhere that could help or would. We were due to upsize soon (3DC in a 2.5 bed flat) but even our couches are 2 seaters so I can’t even sleep on the couch. My head is a mess, please send any advice.

Do not leave your home. It’s good he’s left for now. It doesn’t matter that you’re not on the deeds, assuming it’s owned? How much equity do you have? Take control, put the house on the market asap as he’ll inevitably come home again and you don’t want to be forced to live with him for any longer than necessary. Does he also have savings? As you’re married the starting point will be fifty percent of everything. Also look into getting a job as soon as you’re able.

That sounds really tough. I'm in England and I know rules are different, but is there a Citizen's Advice bureau that you can make an appointment to speak to someone? I've found them very useful in the past.

If he has walked out, why do you need to sleep on the couch? Presumably you have a bed. I'm not trying to be an arsehole, just wondering what the problem is there. Is he coming back? If it's a rented property and he's walked out on you then presumably the LL knows that there is a married couple with kids living in there. Just stay put for now and focus on yourself and the kids.

Sounds like you may have to use your savings briefly for food, etc until you can work out what is happening. It's tough, but you'll be ok.

Been there, done that!

Stay where you are for now with the children, he’s gone and that’s great for now.

And initiate divorce proceedings so you can access finances to which you’re entitled - he might buy you out of the flat or you sell and divide assets. If you’re a SAHM you may have further entitlements to his pension or a lump sum etc.

I would also start looking for childcare possibilities so you can go back to work - nurseries have very long waiting lists as do wraparound provisions at most schools etc so get on the lists and look for a job!

He’s back already although not talking to me.

We own but not outright.

What's happening? You are both in the baby trenches - is this his first child?

I know you say you think it's over but depending on what's actually going on it might be the stress of a baby and repairable.
Sorry you're going through this @needseriousadvicee. Sending a hug and some hope.
Breathe if you can.

Is your husband walking out part of a longer pattern of the relationship breaking down, or is this an argument you would be able to work through once you’ve both had some breathing space? Does your husband have family or friends he could stay with for a bit whilst you both work out how to move forwards?

When you say you aren’t named on the mortgage or deeds, did your husband own the property prior to your relationship? In Scotland, property owned by one party before the marriage does not form part of the matrimonial assets, except in the case of a property bought prior to the marriage but during a cohabiting relationship with the clear purpose and intention of it being the family home during the marriage, where it can be considered. If the latter is the case then your solicitor would argue for your share of it in the financial settlement.

Is it safe for you to remain at home? If it is, then you may have to get creative with sleeping arrangements in the short term and move beds around so that one of you can share with the children. As the marital home (regardless of how it’s financially treated during bc divorce) you have the right to be there.

If you can't access a citizens advice where you are, women's aid will be able to help: Scottish Women's Aid ; lots of good advice already but just to add, obviously if needed you will have to use some of your savings, but UC is still payable if you have between 6 and 16K of savings. Also you are entitled to use any of your savings for something you need, ie. a car, deposit, furniture, training, etc so try not to worry. Turn2us is also good for calculations, etc.

Oh and you stay in your home, you have as much right as he does. If he gets difficult about leaving call WA or the police xx