Red flag red flag

[Lifeasitis91]

I've been single for a few years my DD is 10 and I'm very much open to dating, so much so I took my neighbors lodger number a few weeks ago.
We've been texting and we've had 3 official dates in 3 weeks, so once a week but as we live literally across the street from each other and we both work from home on certain days we've also had a couple of lunch dates, mostly I've popped to my neighbors as they've got a beautiful garden and I'm currently living with extended family until home is sorted back in London
He's a few years older than me, no kids but divorced no cheating just grew apart. Was renting with ex wife wanted a fresh start so moved. Stable family no immediate red flags

Anyway today I didn't particularly feel great after a hen on Saturday 3 day hangover/head cold and I was supposed to pop to his for lunch, I cancelled and told him I didn't feel great I'm looking forward to dinner/pub on Friday night. He was fine wished we well and nothing more was said. I actually went back to sleep for 2 hours woke up at 1.45
I left my phone on silent during this time. I often turn it on silent in the evenings as I live with extended family if anything is important they will get me through them.
I woke to 32 missed calls and 2 missed private calls 5 texts, I can't say if the private were from him but everything else was. First few messages were "how you feeling" Literally 30 mins after we spoke and the last one was "can you answer when I call please"

We spoke at 11.10 I drifted off just after 11.30 watching daytime crap
I've never had anything like it!

I called him not immediately when I woke up but not too long after. I went downstairs got myself a drink spoke to my aunt and took a large box outside to recycle and then I called him
I explained that I fell asleep and no joke he actually said "well I just saw you outside, so why are you ignoring me"

I just put the phone down I didn't know what to say.

How do I handle this - he lives across the street.
It's a red flag isn't it?
Have I got myself a clingy stalker

Very controlling. At least he is showing you who he is before you take it any further. I wouldn't see him again. Find a good excuse.

It's actually scary behaviour and reminds me a LOT of an ex of 20 odd years back who eventually became physically abusive. Police were involved and my parents had to help me escape from him. And he started off exactly like this.

End it now and stay safe OP.

Definitely psycho wibe.😩

This is scary. I’m worried about him being so close. Will you be able to move soon?

Mental get rid. Do not proceed!!!!! 32 missed calls wtaf

Well he's shown his true colours before you got in too deep so that's one positive! Obviously the negative is that he lives so close so dumping him and avoiding him is going to be awkward! If he harasses you, you could always tell the neighbours I suppose?

F hell. I’d be scared. Stay safe OP.

Men who are like this are trying to put you on the back foot from the start.
I'd get a doorbell camera and try to change up your routines a bit. Be clear with him and firm but not rude - much as you have the right to be, he lives too close not to see you and have a male tanty every time he is reminded of any humiliation.

For sure it's ended I sent a text telling him so, along the lines of "over bearing" He called 4 times so I did speak and explained myself he explained his self and said "hard getting back in dating world at 37, really likes me blah blah" But no, I'm not taking the risk. So far he hasn't called or messaged back if he does I'll block him although he knows where Iive which doesn't help.
If he does become a pest then I'll speak to his landlady/landlord who are decent folk, I'm sure he wouldn't want his business spread.

I've no plans to move this year we only moved in the summer and I'm currently renting my home for a year or so until my income picks back up. I moved 100 miles from London and I've already uprooted my DD I'm just hoping I won't have to do the same to escape the potential nut job (my ex wasn't a nut job, just a shit dad and cheat)

Thinking about it - I did say to him last week that I'm back in London for half term soon to see family and DD see her dad, he did ask a few questions about whether I'd be staying with my ex. Never thought anything of it until now

Get additional locks fitted as well as bolts for night time and window locks. Keep your curtains closed the moment it gets dark and a light needs putting on. If you happen to see him, be civil, courteous, but busy and if he says anything about trying again, insist you have too much on your plate right now and sorry it didn't work out. And cameras.

A friend got good advice from Harbour about window locks etc. He sounds very unhinged, pardon the pun.

Yep 🚩 all over it.

If he’s that intense after three dates fucking hell, I’d dread to think what he’d be like after 12 months.

Normal people ca someone once, maybe twice if it’s not urgent then wait until they get back to you. If I seen 3 calls from the same person in a short space of time I would panic and assume something serious. Unhinged people do what he does

Tell your neighbour. Soon, and in person. I would boot a lodger out without a second thought if they had done this.

I’d do a Clare’s Law - even though you’re saying it’s over, check if any history of stalking/harassment etc. Have you got a Ring doorbell?

Trouble is they name change, but worth trying and at least then the new name has a search connected to it for future.